just about to tell my husband I am leaving

Hi ,If you really feel so sick at the thought,and you say his behaviour may turn to anger ,(and you will be alone together)i suggest you have a friend or family member close by so you can phone pronto in case you need them,
You also say he will be so unhappy because you have decided to leave him,dont let his unhappiness delude your happiness .

Take care

Thats what my counciler (cant spell!!!) has said. Thanks for the support.

How would you like to be told the news yourself ? How would you feel in the knowledge that your decision to end your marriage has been discussed with a counsellor first ? Is it too late for relate/mediation joint couple counselling ? Despite society thinking divorce is easy you won't have to read too many posts here in wikiland to see that simply isn't the case at all. My advice to anyone considering ending a marriage would be to think carefully, think again and then think some more. I truly hope its not too late to save your marriage but if you decide that you have come to the end of the road then honesty without hurting is going to be virtually impossible to achieve. I hope it works out well and am sorry you find yourself in this situation.

I really sympathize with you. Five years is a long time to be miserable in your relationship. I was in the same situation, finally plucked up the courage. I knew my ex was also unhappy so didn't really come as a big shock to him. I only wish I'd had the guts to end it sooner, feel like I've wasted valuable years.

Just be true to your feelings, trust your 'inner voice' and you will feel so much better. Keep looking forward to a happy future, living how you want and doing what you want

Best of luck!

We have been to relate, we went for nearly a year. I also agreed to try sex therapy as my lack of a sex drive was one of his major issues with me. Another very particular humiliation and torture but I tried. Over the last few months he has withheld any money from me so I have been paying all monthly bills, food etc. He says he doesn't see why he should give me money until I give him something. He has been on a weekend trip to Bornmouth and the Silverstone Grand Prix, he has a holiday to Germany booked for himself and a weekend to Goowood. All trips made alone or with his friends, not with me or the children. In the last 3 months he has been away every weekend. He also works 40 miles away and has said it is too far to commute every day so has been staying up there during the week. He says he is 'giving me space to sort myself out'. I went to a counoler to try and do just that. To try and work out whether it is me that is unreasonable, as he tells me, and to try and help me find the back bone and courage to take this huge step. We got married when I was very young. He is older than me. I have never lived alone and frankly am petrified. This is not a step I have taken lightly or on the spur of the moment. I genuinly feel that even if we both had total personality transplants and completely changed the way we treat each other too much damage has been done. Mainly I don't want my children growing up thinking this is a normal relationship and that the way we behave is the way people are supposed to treat each other. I think the breaking point was when he stood 3 inches from me as I was sitting on the sofa with my 13 year old daughter next to me, yelling and shouting at me because I had mis understood something he had said, culminating in him calling me a bitch. And the worst thing is he thinks its my fault and I deserved it. He has been violent in the past, long distant past, but he was seconds away from hitting me and I don't want Amy to see that or think that that is ok. So that is why I have to tell him. I am terrified of living alone, of having no money, of facing the children and my family. I can't bear the thopught of the next few months of hell and I really need to know someone out there knows how I am feeling. - a total failure.

Your story reminds me of mine - you're very brave to be doing what you're doing and I just wanted to send you my best wishes. Let us know how things go...

I have real empathy with you, my ex said I was "frigid" and for many years I believed it to be true thinking everyone else was having fantastic sex and I was a failure as a wife and woman. Following my divorce I met a fantastic man, a real man and guess what the sex is on fire girl so don't give up hope of ever having a fulfilling and loving sexual relationship in the future.

Sadly as so many counsellors would say couples leave it "too late" to seek help and I admire the fact that you have at least attempted Relate and think you were very brave to even attempt the sex therapy thing.

Well it seems you are at the point where something has to be done, life is too short. As for tomorrow and your conversation with your husband, I suggest you keep it brief and to the point which is after much deliberation you wish your marriage to come to an end.

Its not going to be easy for any of you looby but I do hope and pray you eventually find peace and happiness again.

Take care