this is what is left of me

i am a 42 year old female who lives just outside Glasgow.
3 weeks ago I got dropped the bombshell that my husband of 17 yrs was moving out and moving in with someone that we had both known for more than 10 years.

He has been sleeping with her on and off for the last 2 months and, in his eyes at least, is in love with her.

i have cried more in the last 3 weeks than in the past 17 years and I am at the end of my tether. if one more person askes me what happened I SWEAR I will scream...
I feel like i have 2 heads at the moment one that wants to do damage and bitterness and the other that wants to be amicable and adult about this.

A so called friend called me a doormat for trying to be reasonable and adult , as i see it right now the only thing I have left is bits of my self estime and i dont dare jepodise that.

I feel so sad, so gullible, so lost and so utterly utterly empty.I cant help remembering my marriage vows and i meant them I really did.for heavens sake i dont even know who i am any more

This is a bit of a ramble, sorry but just knowing that there are folk out there when WE all need help will be such a help. now i suppose its back to job hunting and making lists

Van

this is what is left of me 0 Minutes ago
Hi Van
I was about your age when my 'loyal ex' dropped that same bombshell. Cant remember crying much, I think I was far too shocked, it happened so quickly!!!!

We had been married 22 years and he decided that someone he knew for less than a year was the person he wanted to be with. It is a long story, one I have told over and over again, so dont hold back from telling everyone, it actually helps.

I did not want to be bitter either, but hey, sometimes you have no control, it just happens!!! In fact the feeling of being bitter has not really left me yet. Dont expect to feel like you are able to take the moral high ground just yet.

I did eventually, bite the bullet and start to act like 'an adult' whatever that is. I did feel better. Have had to face him a few times, ie, Son's wedding. To be honest, I felt much better by being able to smile, and act as though it just did not bother me. A viewpoint from an onlooker, he was the one that felt uncomfortable. Guilt, I hope.

I bought myself a cottage, changed my job, and boy did I enjoy myself!!! Dont feel guilty about that for one minute.

I am now remarried, to someone who was also cheated on, so both of us do not want to go through that same pain again.

Good luck. You feel how you want to, do want you want to, dont worry about what anyone else thinks about it all!!

Life is too short to fit all that we want to do into it, so top of your list Van,

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You are the most important person, DO WHAT YOU WANT. Sod the lot of them, let them call you what they want. Be nice, be strong, be happy, and most of all care about yourself.

zara

Hi Van,

I feel for you because I know what you're going through (as do many other people on this site!)

Try to be a positive as you can, I know it's hard but take one day at a time. There will be a lot of different emotions to come but one day you will be looking back at your current circumstances and you will be able to remember how you maintained your dignity (even when you didn't want to!),

All of those feelings you are having are perfectly normal. When I'm asked now about how I felt at the time I use the words 'completely betrayed' and I too thought about marriage vows that were made and I'm not that religous!!!!!!

I'm sure you will speak to lots of good people on this site who can offer you an ear and some moral support when you feel low.

Take care,
Yoda

Hi Van, I feel exactly the same as you. I know what you are going through.

I may try counselling to try and help me work through my feelings. I couldn't at the time 'I found out' as I thought that if I started crying, I would never stop. I don't know if this would be something you would consider?

How can you heal a broken heart?

LL