what now

My wife and i have agreed to seperate having grown apart in the last 4 years, we have tried councilling and it helped me understand certain things. What now? i feel so sad inside, 6 years we were married and i loved her dearly and im so sad that our lives have drifted apart.

we have a 4 year old daughter, i am 30 my wife is 34.

I feel so sad

Hi

The fact that you feel sad about the potential breakup of your marriage says something about you as a person.

People do grow apart over time, I was married 18 years and I remember how our marriage had ups and downs and needed a lot of work to recover from the downs. The final down for me was my wifes mid life crisis and affair.

If you have decided in your own mind it is over then the 'what now' is fairly simple (in theory!!). You need to agree contact arrangements for your daugther, you need to agree a financial settlement, you both need to prepare for new partners in each others lives.....There things are usually not simple and may take a lot of effort to sort out.....So you both need to make sure you are both clear the marriage is over and you are both prepared for what comes next.

Good luck in whatever you decide to do

S

Now that you have gained an understanding of certain things, is there not a way that together you can build up a future taking into account whatever you've learned?

Are you both absolutely sure that although you have drifted, you couldn't refocus on one another and fast track forward to a happy life together? Sure it might take work, and it might mean compromise and it might mean learning how to support one another and make sure that you were focussing on different things - where there's a will there's a way - but it sounds like it might take both of you.

Counselling is fabulous, unfortunately it often doesn't give a follow through plan which sounds like what's need right now.