Looking for some support to cheer me up!

Hello - have just found this site whilst researching my current situation. Have been with (cannot call him my partner!) the other person who lives and owns the house with me. Moved to very rural Wales 7 years ago - during which time he has gradually eroded my confidence, have no self esteem. He has cut me off - have no friends - too ashamed of my situation to have told anyone. He is nice to acquaintances - but at home he constantly critisises me, calls me names, tells me to get out. Calls me a thief, liar, creep, vile etc etc. He constantly makes racial comments when he knows this will upset me, makes vile comments about the Pope (I am a Catholic). This has been going on and on. Then he will be quite nice, but usually because I have ended up trying to ingraciate myself with him, so that I could feel less stressed. He has never taken me out to a restaurant cinema or anywhere. Recently he used the most obscene language to me and said "I am not far off from getting a knife". Something snapped and since then 3 weeks ago, I have not spoken one word to him - I know that this must end. I have been to my Dr and confided in her and she is giving me support. This afternoon I am visiting Women's Aid and hopefull they will be able to offer advice and support. I wondered if there is anyone out there who has been through what I am going through - I know he will not sell our property (we are joint owners) and will have to look to the Courts for an Order for Sale. Has anyone any information about this course of action? I have no friends to confide in because he has cut me off completely - also I feel so ashamed that I have let myself get into this situation for so long. I am 63 - I have no money apart from my State Pension - He is fairly wealthy - he pays all the bills - I do not have the funds to contribute - I have been buying all the food and my car costs, which does not leave anything over. Sorry to ramble but my thought process is not very good at the moment!! Maryjo

fleure11 (((((((((hugs)))))))) sending you big wiki hugs. You've found a community of online friends who understand and will support you.
To answer your questions about finances we need more detail, sale of your house would need to be considered alongside the rest of your finances, read this post and then answer those questions in a new thread here .
For some instant advice and support visit the wikivorce chatroom.
All the best,
Tets

Hallo Marjo

Don't blame yourself for not seeking help sooner - give yourself a pat on the back for having the courage to do so now.

In general cohabitees don't have the same rights as wives, so I do suggest you seek legal advice asap - your Citizens Advice Bureau can help here.

And as Tets says, pop into chat for instant support - a bunch of lovely friendly people, and Tets will make you a great cup of virtual tea or coffee!

Nell

Hi Maryjo, with the right help which I am sure you will get along with the support it wont be long before the tables turn and you will find what I assume is a coward and control freak who are only brave behind closed doors with a light shining upon the matter dont be surprised he just caves in wealthy or not.

I cant better the advice given already but I can wish you all the luck in the world, sounds like you deserve some

Many thanks for taking the trouble to reply - I have started the ball rolling by visiting a local Women's Aid Group this morning, where I found terrific support and was able to talk to other people in my situation. It's a small step but a first one! Best wishes Maryjo

Hi Maryjo, just to let you know that you are absolutely not the only person in this situation! Some of the things you describe your partner as doing (isolating you from people, criticising you and calling you names, saying things that he knows will upset you) are exactly the same as things my X2B did to me. So you are NOT alone in this! I'm sure the people at Women's Aid will tell you the same, as will any other women you may meet through them.

Well done for being strong enough to confide in your doctor and for doing what you can to try to remove yourself from this situation. I know that really takes guts, especially when you have little money of your own to make ends meet.

You will get through this. It will be hard and it will probably be complicated, but you will emerge from this situation a stronger person, just remember that. This is a really good, supportive group of people who will help you out with all the aspects of your separation from this man.

There's a domestic violence group on here too, which you may like to join to get understanding and support from people who have been through similar and worse experiences.

Take care of yourself, best of luck with everything.

WC