I am new to this crap.

I have been with my partner for 26 years. I literally jumped from the frying pan to the fire when I first met him. I was already in trouble, involved with the wrong company, a rape victim, a child, to young, to naive, too stupid to realise or see any better. I was young. Thought I knew it all. I tried to get away from the nightmare that had ruined my life, only to end up in a situation that depicted the one I so desperately was trying to leave behind. But somehow the man I met seemed to be genuine and caring, who, gradually broke from the encumbrances of a life ruled by drugs and those who enforced it. But from time to time those very elements seemed to seep back into our life, his life, my life along with the fact that we should have never really stayed together, since we never could really get along. I never really wanted it. Yet I was victim to it and I never seemed to be able to say no. Was I really so stupid? I guess I must have been. Because here I am, 26 years later, stuck in bigger shit than I could have ever possibly imagined. Only the difference is financial, soul related and not with the encumbrances with the addiction and lure of drugs. Let me tell you, despite all of this there has never been a time when we have been financially well off. Infact it has been quite the opposite. People have this obscene illusion that if drugs are involved, then so are riches and unprecedented amounts of wealth resulting in riches beyond ones imagination. Perhaps for the odd few this is true. I have suffered drug addiction, abuse at the hands of those I despise. Been used and abused, called all the names under the sun and treated like a sex object. Twenty six years later and 4 more children later I can tell you that I am truly miserable. My partner is a gambler to the tune of $100,000.00 putting us in debt to the point where we can’t pay our bills. Not all his fault, he says. He cannot work due to a back operation and multiple health issues and was doing his best to try and make more money to give me a life. A life!
Let me tell you one thing if you are wandering. There is not enough room on this page to tell you everything, to tell you all the minute details, all the misery and unhappiness. The suicide attempts, the feelings of deep resentment and hatred. The loss of parents, bothers and the loss of life that should have been enjoyed.
Yes, I despise him. We can’t even sell the block of land that we own to cover the debts because of the economic instability of the world and if you ask if I hate him? Then the answer is yes. If you ask if I think he will change, then the answer is no. If you ask why I put up with it all? It was because I was young, naive, inexperienced, didn’t know any better. If you ask why I still stay and put up with the shit? The answer is...What am I supposed to do? How do I break free and afford a life on my own? I came from a back ground where the social aspects of human discoveries between male and female were never discussed. Taboo as they were. Found out the hard way as many before me did. I have no accredited skills. Live too far to be able to afford to run around.
If someone has a real answer then I would welcome it.

If this seems dramatic for an introduction, then I agree. Because it is. For those who wish to know. I am 45 Female and had enough! If my night in shining Armour should appear, beware, for I may just jump on for the ride!

Myana,
welcome to wiki, it's time to start looking for the future you want. Corny I know but today is the first day of the rest of your life. Have a look at this video .
Tets

Thanks.

Superb Tets. Just shows us what selfish, greedy people we are!

Jox