At the end of my tether

Hi been married for 26 years. Husband has always been prone to throwing what I can only call tantrums.As he has got older has progressivly worse and sometimes violent.I feel he may have mental heath issues as after these episodes he still does'nt seem to think he has done anything wrong.

As my children are older now I have gone back to work full time and become increasingly more independent. My husband hates this and says terrible things to me and about me to my kids.

I have recently asked him for a divorce to sell our property and go our seperate ways but in his usual form smashed a few things and told me I was lucky to be with him.

dont know what the next step is Im exhaused living like this hate my kids seeing their father behave like a madman, this will be their memories of him and that really upsets me.

I suppose the next step is a solicitor - any help appreciated!

What a nightmare!

Your husband's reaction wasn't helpful but is there a possibility you can talk when he's calmed down?

The more you can both agree on the easier and cheaper it will be.

Some solicitors offer a free halfhour consultation.

if you think you are likely to be in any danger please contact your local Domestic Violence Unit.

I really feel for you. My H is the same, but he isn't violent, just emotionally abusive. We have been together for 14 years, maried for 7, no kids thank goodness, I would hate to bring kids into this environment!

I have often thought that his behaviour just isn't normal but put it down to stress, tiredness etc. However there comes a point where you cannot walk on eggshells any longer. How rational is giving someone the silent treatment for 6 weeks over something as trivial as adding an ingredient to something you made for you both which it turns out he doesn't like? Any normal person would say "well thank you for making this, but I don't actually like ...... but it's OK I'll just pick round them" Instead I was acused of being selfish! I decided then to leave as it wasn't right, but when he settled down I got the apologies and it won't happen again bla bla bla, that was 5 years into our relationship. There have been other incidents during the course of our marriage and I was so exhausted by it all that I promised myself that one more outburst I was going, that was it!

Well 4 weeks ago that outburst happened and I decided that you really can't love someone if you treat them like that, so I told him I'd had enough. The strange thing now is that he too, like your Husband is carrying on being friendly as if everything is OK and he wants to wait till I come back from a holiday to decide whether to separate. The thing is though, in my mind I really don't want this anymore, but I have agreed to it so he thinks it's his idea too and I can avoid another tantrum.

Google Passive Agressive behaviour. Be strong and be true to yourself, remember it's not your fault, the passive aggresive personality stems from early childhood and upbringing and needs work with a professional counsillor (don't think I've spelt that right), they were flawed to begin with.

I would recommend what Nell said, it's not a environment to bring your children up in.

Stay strong and take care

Epyon

Thankyou for your support, you sound like your having to deal with a very similar situation as myself. Although the stronger I am becoming the worse he is getting. I am now having to reply to this message at work as on Friday he decided to throw my laptop across the room (breaking it) as he was "fed up" with my son talking to his friends on MSN!!!
I do understand he has personality problems but have no sympathy anymore as like you feel absoultley exhausted dealing with him.
I am going to get some legal advice on how to leave but I dont think it is going to be easy as he says he will never agree to a divorce or sell the house.
You said your H was agreeing with you about separation, Mine did that for a while too but I think this was just to pacify me as when I became more serious about it he became very violent. Anyway thanks again Take Care