dont know what to believe anymore

hubby an I married for 28 years, found out last year he had been having affair for 5 years with his ex secretary, also married, he says its over, I want to believe him, but she phoned him 2 weeks ago, supposedly to tell him that her husband was divorcing her on grounds of adultery, I am struggling with trust issues, he is trying really hard but this woman is really pushy, when I told her to leave us alone, she said that she had done nothing wrong! I try to trust him, but its so hard, Im so miserable, and sometimes think it would be easier to let him go, we have three teenage children, who are heartbroken also, help.

Hi, there is a lot at stake here. The divorce system, esp. where children r involved, can make yr present situation seem like the queen's garden party !!! Sorry to say this - i know u r going thru a traumatic time and I do sympathise.

If its only the affair and u r willing to forgive if its over, and all else is fine in the mrg, then I think u both need some serious time out. Go away somewhere, take a week or two just to unwind. Then ascertain that the affair is truly over, no phonecalls, nothing, change yr number if need be. Warn his ex-secretary she will be reported to BT/police if she calls. And then just get on with yr mrg and life. First priority for u both should be the children and they thrive in a marriage - all statistics and studies point to this. Best of luck.

(((ausgirl)))

I can so identify with you. I asked my husband to leave when I found out he'd re-started an affair with a colleague. We'd been married for 32 years.

I found out about it the first time and I warned her off (she'd done all the chasing, he was like a rabbit in headlights) It ended and we were working on our marriage when 7 months later she phones him to tell him she's left her partner and he went back.

I had no choice but to end the marriage . I know I could never trust him again. As much as I love him and was in the marriage for keeps he made it impossible for it to continue.

I hope that you can work things out because this process isn't pleasant. You have to consider your children as well.

I wish you good luck.

Take care.
Flick.x