A tentative \"hullo\"

I will be petitioning for a divorce from my wife of 7 years. We have 2 young children (4 and 6), from whom I have been living separate from for 14 months. We own a house in joint names, which she and the children are currently living in.

I will be citing reasons of unreasonable behavior on my part; being self-obsessed, workaholic and generally a good-for-nothing and not treating her with the respect she deserved.

I have been paying CS and an amount in addition that has offset a small portion of my guilt and all her costs (I don't really know what benefits she is claiming), but after more than a year I am at the point where I'm in a lot of debt and can no longer keep paying this amount. I want to ensure she and the children are comfortable and can stay in the house, but unless she gets a job I'm going to end up living on a street somewhere.

I've been trying to keep things amicable and so I've not wanted to broach the subject of divorce, but I must and so that is why I am here. I don't have any questions just yet - I still have a lot to read up on and think through.

Given my financial situation I was looking to use an online divorce solution, but I know the subject of finances is going to get thorny. The last time it was mentioned she suggested having full-ownership of the house, but that was a year a go and she was (and remains) upset and angry. I suppose I should pay all her costs that will come from all this as well.

Dealing with the children is slightly easier. I see them regularly and both me and my ex2b are very mindful of their feelings and how difficult things have been for them.

Basically I've been feeling guilty for a long time at being a less-than-decent husband, but it's got to the point where the guilt has eaten away my finances and now threatens the future of a new relationship - one that I want to hold on to.

Zap, welcome to Wikivorce, the valley of the lost souls Not really! There is a wealth of information and experience here, waiting to be tapped into. If you need to know something, just post as you have and someone will answer you. We are a friendly bunch and evenings in the chatroom tend to be silly time where we let our hair down and have some fun. Real life is not so fun filled generally

Best of luck with your journey

Mike

Hello and welcome so you wernt the perfect partner dont be to hard on your self and you wont be able to help the wife and kids if your on the street you can only do your best.
One other thing you cant divorce on a self at fault basis your wife will have to divorce you on grounds of ub.
Good luck like Mike said pop in and see us from time to time

Hiya zap. Are you sure you did all these things to your ex?I was told all kinds of things and after a while I started to believe them. It wasnt until I started consiling that things started to shape up. But you have come to the right place. U dont have to bear her divorce costs. If she divorces you and U dont contest then there is noting to pay. On line divorce is the way to go but you have property and children. I suggest you see a solicitor. Dont be bullied into anything. Its all up for grabs and everones case is different. Chris

zap44 wrote:

I will be petitioning for a divorce from my wife...citing reasons of unreasonable behavior on my part

I've been chatting with my sister (a serial divorce-abuser;)) and she thinks that I can't petition for a divorce and put the "blame" of unreasonable behavior on myself. Is this true? She says my options are:

1) To wait out the 2 years of separation to avoid any mud-slinging.

2) To ask my ex2b to petition the divorce instead, citing whatever reasons, making me the respondent.

Of course I could go ahead and petition and cite her for UB, but I think it would ignite a lot of bad feeling and have repercussions on a process that I want to keep as amicable as possible.

Thanks guys for your messages of support. I hope one day I can offer some small morsel of aid to someone in return.

zap44 wrote:

zap44 wrote:

I will be petitioning for a divorce from my wife...citing reasons of unreasonable behavior on my part

I've been chatting with my sister (a serial divorce-abuser;)) and she thinks that I can't petition for a divorce and put the "blame" of unreasonable behavior on myself. Is this true? She says my options are:

1) To wait out the 2 years of separation to avoid any mud-slinging.

2) To ask my ex2b to petition the divorce instead, citing whatever reasons, making me the respondent.

Of course I could go ahead and petition and cite her for UB, but I think it would ignite a lot of bad feeling and have repercussions on a process that I want to keep as amicable as possible.

Thanks guys for your messages of support. I hope one day I can offer some small morsel of aid to someone in return.

Hiya Zap. You cant purjor youself no. Divorce is not like being on trial. DJ courts is the selcted venue for dealing with matters such as divorce and non payment of gas bills etc.

Not sure I want to meet a serial divorce abuser haha. Joke sorry. Bet she is a fine person realy?

1) Yes U could wait 2 years. U have to be seperated however. That means not living together essentialy.

2) Yes you could do this. Thats what I did. I made up the reasons for her.I chose opposits. Arsenal Fan (I am realy a Chelsea fan) I just thought someone had to support Arsenal. Not a bad reason for divorce

3) You could petition her. I didnt have any money when this all started (have less now) but thats why I let her divorce me. There is no moral hi ground realy. You learn that after a while. Its not like Eastenders at all and no one realy cares who divorced who. Unlike Max or Tania. Good ones, Chris

ok, so I've had my head in the sand for a couple of months, but I know I've got to put an end to my marriage. I've asked my wife if she would divorce me, but she has said no. She knows I am in another relationship now and I guess it helps her pain a bit if she still has some control over me. We've been separated for 18 months and I had assumed that upon two years we could agree to a divorce but that seems not to be the case.

In a dark moment I had considered not paying her the money that I currently** hand over each month (currently more than double the CSA insists upon), in order to force her to petition me, but that seems too much like blackmail.

(** not all of it, just the extra)

I'm increasingly thinking I should petition her for a divorce. It will take some creativity in order to blame her for my desertion.

I think I shall have go it alone without a solicitor as I simply have no money (still haven't paid my tax bill - 5 months late now). I can't get any legal aid simply becaise my gross income is high (even though after all my bills I'n in deficit even before I've set aside anything for tax).

Actually, the more and more I consider my predicament, the more out of control it seems. Easier to put head back in sand