reflection...

Hello
You know the scene in 'Gladiator' when he is walking through the cornfield,towards his beautiful home,his beautiful wife and his kids,well its like that isn't it?But they aren't real are they?They aren't real because they aren't there and they aren't your beautiful wife and they aren't your beautiful kids and it's not your beautiful house.
They are still there though.They have become other people because you are a ghost to them.You are as ethereal as a seed or a feather that you used to watch from the back garden in which you used to sit when you existed to them.
You are a shadow to them,because they have replaced you.You could no sooner walk back into that life than you could walk on the moon,because your place has been taken by someone else,and everything you was has died,to be replaced.
You can go to all of the places where you used to go together,and you are invisible.Nobody knows or cares who you are,because you don't exist to them,you don't mean anything,so nobody knows you are there.You can go and be as insubstantial as that dust mote in a sunbeam,that glimpse in a mirror.
You can take comfort in that fact;that now whatever you do has bearing on only one person,a ghost.
You know that in the future things will be different because time will heal everything and as long as this is true you are ok.But often it is no comfort.Often the phrase is as empty and meaningless as your existence.
You know you need that time.It can't come in large enough quantities.Sleep helps a lot,you can't hurt when you're asleep.You used to want to sleep forever,but then they'd win,and you can't let them have that as well.
You so desperately want it to stop.
One day.
Soon.

time does not heal

only insight

to see the truth of the the relationship, what led to break up and whether any reconcilliation is possible

this renews you and returns to you to yourself

however the finance and other fall out e.g kids can continue the pain in a different areas of your life

all i can suggest is to live wit the pain in your chest, don't escape from it psycholoically it's impossible


ponder, watch tv, cry and if you can avoid hiding from your responsibility and clearly see hers then all that will be left will be the practical fallout and some painful memories


once there you will get the urge not to waste any time

as you will have spent what time has passed comming to a understanding about who they were and what the relationship actually was


in the end they gave up on you...rather than giving you a 2nd chance...even if post separation and that hurts