Hi all
After two weeks of reading your articles I’ve taken the plunge and signed up to this fantastic site. Reading your stories, both happy and sad, has been a great source of inspiration. Just knowing that other people have been through similar situations and have come out the other side as better, stronger and happier individuals is very comforting.
My situation – been with my wife for 16years, married for 10, have 2 beautiful daughters aged 9 and 5. The past 4years of marriage have been rocky, nearly separated 9months ago, decided we owed it to the children to try and patch things up. Did the Relate counselling sessions which helped temporarily, although I think my wife was hoping that the counsellor would pin all the problems on me, and when she didn’t my wife decided to stop attending the meetings. Over the past few months we both slipped back into old ways (attention focused on the kids and little communication between ourselves etc etc).
My wife recently got into Facebook and back onto Friends Reunited – and surprise, surprise she has become involved with an old boyfriend – (I found out by accident, when I saw a text message on wife’s mobile). I confronted her and she didn’t try to hide anything and, I think, quite enjoyed telling me that she was seeing someone else.
Strangely I didn’t feel too hurt as she was telling me, or feel the urge to try and save the relationship which suggests that it was already dead. We talked for sometime and she came out with all the clichés, - confused, need time to think, suggested that I move out for a while. I made it simple for her and told her enough’s enough, we should to go our separate ways and get on with our lives – hopefully much happier and in the long term better for the girls.
Since our decision to separate I’ve gone on that rollercoaster of emotions, some good days, feeling positive and ready to take on the world and some not so good days. I’ve recently read that it’s natural to grieve a broken relation even one that you know isn’t good. However the feelings of failure, unfilled plans, dreams etc that you both had in the early days seem to haunt – especially in the middle of the night! My biggest concern, however, is the children and what affect it will have on them. Friends say that children are very adaptable and will, in time, cope with changing circumstances – I sincerely hope so.
I’m quite amazed at the change in my wife’s personality, perfectly friendly when there is something she wants to discuss but the rest of the time she just blanks me.
Today it was my Birthday and she couldn’t even acknowledge it - I did however get cards off the girls so I suppose I should be grateful.
I’ve been to see a solicitor, had the house valued and gathered relevant information regarding our finances. My wife isn’t seeing her solicitor for another two weeks so plans to market the house and agree a way forward will have to wait.
My wife initially suggested that she would petition me (not sure on what grounds). I didn’t like that idea and suggested the 2year separation. On reflection would I be better if I petitioned her for adultery as I’ve heard that the person who petitions is then in control of the proceedings?
Also she will apply for legal aid and I understand that we have to go to
mediation – is this a good method for agreeing the separation arrangements? My wife has stated that she wants the separation done as amicably and as cheaply as possible, I’m all for that but knowing her as I do I can’t see her being friendly for long!
Any advice would be gratefully appreciated and I look forward to discussions in the chat room.
Bye for now
J
