Life begins at 40!

Hello all!

Today is Sunday August 9th. I am in the middle of a two week holiday and have had time to reflect which I suppose you do when there isn't work to think about! Last weekend was my 40th birthday. I mean 40! I'll get over it I guess; lol. What really hits you is when you think something happened a couple of years ago when really it was much longer. For example, I ended up watching The Matrix the other day on ITV. Now when you think that came out? Bet you are thinking a few years ago. Turns out it will be celebrating it's 10th anniversary this year. I couldn't believe it! Where have the last 10 years gone?

I know that the next few months are not going to be most straightforward of circumstances to deal with but I fed up of things staying in limbo.

I've now been seperated albeit still living with the ex since approximately February 2007 (married in 2001). The split was amicable and I know things would be different if it hadn't of been; ie. I wouldn't still be living here! There was some sort of progress as the FH was up for sale for just over a year but there was no interest whatsoever. In March 2007 the ex's new bf moved in. I couldn't really care less about this but it tells me she has moved on. The house came off the market about May of this year after there being no viewers at all.

The finances are rather complicated. There is a lot of debt between us. Selling the FH would settle the mortgage and secured loan. There is another loan to the ex's family member that although is not secured against the property is treated as if it is. Now last time a discussion on the sale of the house came up, ex wants to sell the house so that this would be paid off as well. There is no obligation to do so! It is not secured against the FH. I'm not prepared to wait until the FH increases a bit in value just so this loan can be paid off. I would be willing to pay something towards it in the future depending on what I could afford but that is it!

There are various credit cards etc. in my name or hers, some joint bank a/c's which aren't used and a joint loan (which I am currently paying). At present, I'm paying the mortgage, council tax and internet and she paying everything else including utility bills and secured loan and the full monthly amount to the ex's family member.

The other thing is that and I'm assuming this is only because the split was amicable, is that she still cooks on most nights. I have stated on a few occasions that this is her choice but just says she doesn't mind so it has carried on.

I don't actually think she will be awkward over a divorce but I know that I'm not going to be able to move on properly until the FH is sold. That is the first stumbling block at the moment so I'm going to do some research to see what would be left if it sold now and the mortgage and secured loan was paid off.

I'm not looking forwarding to dividing up possessions though. That can't be a pleasant experience.

So this is the start of a journey that I'll be sharing on here. Feel free to comment or contact me directly if you are going through something similar.

It sounds a little complicated now that the ex`s bf is there living with you all. I would have thought that his finances would be taken into consideration in all this. Good luck and hope you get some advice that you need here...pop into chat also to see what other fellow wiki peeps think.

Take care

Saffy xxx

om69
I often think there is more behind the walls of 'amicable' after all these situation would never be easy anyhow and certainly not for us humans.
We are possessive and territorial so the best think I can tell you my friend is yes you may be comfortable just now, but there are always going to be things around the corner you may not like so get your life in gear and make it your track and not your ex's. You have a future to think about and it needs little input from the ex.