Hello from a newbie - here's my story

Hi everyone,
My name's Simon and I'm just about to turn 28. I've only just discovered this site and I'm glad I've found it as I think it will help me enormously....

I am currently seperated from my wife and after trying to block everything out (denial i guess) have decided I need to take the next step in sorting my life out again and that will involve divorce.

I met my wife when I was 25 and she was 23. We found each other through the internet and spend a few months getting to know each other via e-mail and when we eventually met, we fell completely head over heels for each other. It was a whirlwind romance which involved her moving in with me after just 6 weeks(!) and then I sold my flat and put down a large deposit on a house we bought together around 6 months later. The following year we planned a round-the-world backpacking trip for 6 months (using the proceeds of the sale of my flat), which involved us quitting our jobs and renting our house out. Before we left, I proposed and we decided to marry on the beautiful island of Fiji. It was fantastic and we had the longest honeymoon ever travelling the rest of the world & experiencing everything together! Really happy times

When we returned in September of last year, we couldn't go back to our house immediatley as the tenants were (and still are) living there - so we took up the offer of staying at her parents place. That sounds awfully claustraphobic, but her mum and dad had split up some time ago - with her mum moved out and only her dad and brothers living there. It's a nice large house in Cheshire and i thought it would be fine as a temporary thing, I was even able to do some labouring work for her Dad to provide us with a little income.
However, it was around this time that I started to notice things weren't quite right bewteen us. She would seem increasingly distant with me and our relationship was suffering - I put it down to the fact she's living 'at home' again and was also struggling to find a job. This behaviour shift, did however, coincide with her meeting a friend of her Dad's and I started to become aware that every time he would come over, she would go over to 'see her Dad' when he was there too, but at the times her Dad's friend wasn't there - she wasn't too bothered about seeing her Dad.....
Anyway, without boring you with all the details I watched a relationship form between the two of them that I was told was 'just friends' and that at the age of 44, this guy was old enough to be her father. Coincedently, his marriage was on the rocks and was seperating from his wife....

Her phone was constantly kept on her at all times and set to silent & I discovered they were texting each other and after becoming increasingly suspicious read a message on her phone that read "Thinking of you x" and was told by her that it was in context of her having a bad back OK then.....
By this time I had found full time employment whilst she was home alone.

I found it all very hard and stressful, and hated the suspicious, jealous person I became. It's not like me to be that way, but I had a nagging feeling in my gut that something was going on. I had a miserable christmas and by that time we were sleeping in seperate rooms. It was apparent things were not working and she told me she wants to 'live her life on her own' now and is very sorry but its something she must do as she's never been single since the age of 18. I almost respected that descision, even though i was convinced it was because of this guy. I moved out in February, renting a place nearby from her (very sympathetic) father. I was in a new area of the country, with no friends nearby and a new job. Living alone and being so close to her still (geographically) made it quite hard for me to deal with. At this point, now i'd moved out, she finally came clean and admitted the relationship with the other man. I was heart broken but relieved to know the truth at the same time. Also very confused how someone can declare their undying love, get married and then within a year cheat on the one their supposed to love.... but anyway....

After a couple of months I moved on again closer to the city of manchester - i decided I needed to meet some new friends (although i still go back now & then to my hometown to visit old friends and family, which is nice to do). Its closer to work too which is handy. I moved into a flat-share for the social life & its been great, although I can still slip into periods of depression when i think about my ex as the hard thing I've found is that I think i still love her even though she betrayed me - but i know I can never go back to her. (btw she is still with her new man) However I do know now that you should always trust your gut instinct!!

So yeah, that's me and my story! Sorry for waffling on so much and if you've read this far, thank you for listening!!

you are still in love with the person you thought she was

instead you have realised that she is a different person, and concealed a deceptive aspect

she could have simply seen you as a meal ticket...someone to have a good time with and then leave taking money/flat?

maybe the same happened to her dad hence the sympathy

you need to face these emotions at some point so you are cleansed and purified....it will take many months to do so

but if you do not then they could bleed into your next relationship and dmage it

all the best

You're on still on the process of hurting. This is a hard deal for any person. Specially that your girl exchange you for another man. It's a painful thing and a stressful thing. Now you're planning on a divorce? Another stressful situation in one's life. Maybe you should try Divorce mediation Service they can help you run your divorce smoothly with less up to no fight. Because through Divorce Mediation they can help you and your partner come into an agreement into which both sides are happy and satisfied with the deal. And furthermore ending your marriage on a court seems harsh.