I'm new to this!

Hi K

You are right, such men are very weak. My X was one. Constantly needing approval from women and that involved sex.

It is 3 years since I left him and I see him in his true colours now. But I have been in other womens' shoes. My husband pleaded forgiveness and i believed him and his lies and thats why I stayed as long as I did. I wanted the 'picture book family. I know now it doesn't exist.

My X still pleads forgiveness; continues to want me back. As you said, he and others like him thrive on secrecy and deceit. Thinking that other women 'want' them boost their self-esteem. And its even better when they have the smoke screen of the family waiting for them at home.

Sadly, my husband lost his smoke screen, his wife (me) and 3 gorgeous teenage daughters. They cant be bothered to meet him for coffee etc., so I let him come to see them here and I see him for the weazel he is. The vomit quite literally rises to my throat and I have to smile sweetly. He is quite honestly a yukky man and I never knew what I saw in him in the first place. Probably the same as other women. He is a policeman, so it must have been the uniform.

Im quite sure that if any of the other women 'wanted' him for good he would have left me. However, as I said to him, who would truly want a 3 second wonder except someone like me, who believed his tale when I first met him that he was so quick cos I was so beautiful!!!!!!

Ha ha, now I date and have sex when I choose with 'real' men. Single at 49 and life's bloody great!

Jo x

Hi everyone and specially angie,

You are all so kind and helpful! My hubby must have been an "expert" at cheating cos he DID delete his txtx ALL of them CONSTANTLY!; that was how I knew he was up to no good! When I caught him round his "friend's" house when he was meant to be elsewhere that confirmed it. Joanna you sound like you are doing so well - GOOD for you!!! If I end up in half as happy a place I'll be thrilled - there is hope then! lol!!! Angie hope you are'nt doing too badly today? I'm okish at the mo - concentrating on getting eldest daughter off to RAF next week with all the kit she needs - a nightmare xx

Thanks for your replies, I'm feeling a little brighter already just for reading all the threads on this site. If I can become half as strong as Joanne is I'll be happy! I'm also a little happier today as I have a letter from my solicitors regarding his visits to the children, his sol proposed Sundays 10-6 and Wednesday 6pm-8pm which I'm fine with (and the only reason we have ended up going thru sols is because I'd said from the day he walked that the children need to get used to him gone before he starts playing happy families with OW who by the way is a born liar with a criminal past and who also treated her own children like crap as you know I know this because shes his brothers ex!!
I've said I dont mind him seeing the children, whenever he wants just not with her around he has 6 other days of the week to spend time with her, his sundays should be devoted to his boys. I dont mind if they call in the house and shes there cos it is her house at the end of the day my prob is he wants them all to spend days out together! and tbh I wouldnt trust her as far as I could throw her with my kids. Anyway back to the letter they have backed me up and told his sols that contact should be alone, and also it says 'it appears that she does have a criminal past' bet he never told his sol that, now with a bit of luck they will see where I'm coming from!
Well must dash, I'm off to my SIL (x's sister- we're closer now than when he was here so theres another favour he did me!)
Angie x

Hi Angie

Shagging his brother's ex. The man has no boundaries and no morals. He is a total idiot. But thank him for the wonderful boys he has given you and then tell him to sling his hook!

Jo x

Hi Angie,

glad you are feeling more positive today - it comes and goes tho doesnt it? keep it up! I dont want my kids anywhere near stbx ow either!!!!!! Luckily for me none of them are interested! You have such a strong case tho especially with her past and the boys ages - dont give up, you'll win that one!!! And so you should the ow sounds a dubious character anyway, thinking of you Jo (tob) xx