Lurking

Well, I've been lurking around this site for a while now and I felt it time to introduce myself.
I' ll try and keep it compact.
Married 26 years
1st child born 9 months later after a HORRENDUS PREGNANCY
a year later and 6 months into 2nd pregnacy( more constant sickness but a toddler to look after as well now ) he decides Im not giving out physically and pops up a few floors in the lift to a friend for a cup of coffee!!!
I find this out a few years later....obviously the trust INSTANTLY has gone.
but we carry on...mainly because of two small children I guess
10 years later I find the internet...and all the people that are going through the same as me...im lonely...bogged down with children and working full time from home at this point.
so....I met up with someone....I tell HIM and wait for the hurt in his eyes...empty......I finsih that chapter coz hes drinking when im away and the children are young teenagers and shouldnt have to see that
Few years later we move...........should say at this point we both spent all our time doing up our homes and never giving each other time or consideration....I went off and busied myself with my life..he....well I dunno wot he did....played COMPUTER GAMES and slowly..without me realising it distanced himself from the family.well my family....his were astranged and living abroad.
So 4 years ago we find ourselves moved and alone....kids left to start their own lives.
we build,decorate and last year my daughter is pregnant...no man around...he suddenly isnt who she wants!!! bad pregnancy full of worry....so i deal with THAT
Baby arrives all is good ...off they go to a rented house with new man!!! front door clicks shut.....I say...right U moving back into the bedoom(daughter had stayed in there with me)
No he says..........Ive been to a solicitor and want a divorce!
Dont need to tell you wot Ive been through the last few months....
Ive left out sooooooooo much detail...26 years is a long time....but during that time we never argued at all...guess we were just friends bring out children up....each without really involving each other.
So today........Im here on me laptop
in the MH with the dog....and hes with some woman he meet online a few months ago and is living the married life i guess....the one i never gave him...
Feel free to pick out a sentence and ask for more details...each one comes with its own little drama
BOO!

26 years is a long time to waste on a life without love.
You only get one go round on this ride so thank him for being brave enough to bring a half life to an end.
Now get on with living the rest of your life and embracing it fully.
Probably be the best thing that ever happened to you.
I personally wasted 13 in a loveless relationship so talking from experience.
All the best
Pete xx

Maybe having a family so soon after marriage meant you didn't get to establish yourselves as a couple first.

Anyway, when a baby comes along it does alter the relationship more than most people anticipate.

I was with my ex 31 years, 18 married, and we have two teenagers.

He is now living with someone else and her two young children.

You can spend a lot of time looking back with regret, or you can look forward and plan a future for yourself.

Nell

yeah......i know hes right..........just not sure he went about it in the right way.....but im on the rollercoaster this kinda thing produces and there are more up times than down these last few days......its the lose of wot u thought the future would be thats hardest to cope with.....and each new situation brings a new pang!! but they actually dont last too long and eventually there be no new pangs to have!!! heres hoping anyways x

i can't agree with his behaviour

he could have said things need to change
and then made an effort to be ith you
at least you did not walk out

you gave him children and they a grandchild

he needs to grow up
big time

Boo2u21964 wrote:

yeah......i know hes right..........just not sure he went about it in the right way.....but im on the rollercoaster this kinda thing produces and there are more up times than down these last few days......its the lose of wot u thought the future would be thats hardest to cope with.....and each new situation brings a new pang!! but they actually dont last too long and eventually there be no new pangs to have!!! heres hoping anyways x

Hiya, my hubby left 8 weeks ago after 20 years and 4 kids - it was because he'd found someone else and did'nt love me in the right way anymore! Like you - I guess he was right we were'nt in a good place really and had'nt been for years ( a long story which involved him lying and cheating about a "platonic friend" at work) but I do agree with stbx perhaps there could have been another way of dealing with this than just cutting and running!! Even tho deep down - I know we were over - it still does hurt so much being replaced; and yes I am like you greiving for the future I had always imagined and now will never have You summed up brilliantly how I feel! - you are'nt the only one on this merry go round if that's any help, ((((((BOO)))))) in all honesty that thought, this site and the people on it are probably all that's keeping me sane... Keep posting xxxxx

Hey Boo

I was happy for 21 years of my marriage, well most of it anyway and then my X decided to surf the net and you can guess what happened.

All the while I was at work, doing 4 nights a week to keep us in the lifestyle you get accustomed to.

So January, this year, I'd had enough and filed for divorce. Today I can apply for my absolute, which I'll be doing Monday, so hopefully I'll be divorced very shortly.

Helli