New here, with mixed emotions

Hi Neen,

I really sympathise with you, my first wife had an affair and that really kicks you where it hurts,and why is it, the person that has had the wrong done to them is the one that tries even harder or gives the adulterer another chance, the answer being because the one who doesn't play away is the obviously more loving and caring person in regard to their partner and still has the deep feeling of love and caring.

My current stbx has not had an affair but has fallen out of love for me, but still loves me, but has done the marrital damage via the 'not got same feeling for you as i should' bolt out of the blue and yet she still cares for me, and worries about how i am going to get on when we are seperated, because some people like yourself, no matter how they have had bad turned on them or no matter how they feel about a persons actions, they are still deep down the person they were born to be, unconditional loving person, someone who cares what actually happens to others, because thats you deep down, and don't ever let anyone take that away from you, no matter what; that's what makes you the person you are and what people look for, as long as it's not taken advantage of that is!, he was lucky and still is lucky to have you being the person you are and unfortunately is probably pulling on those good qualities for his own needs, and because of the person you are you cannot just switch off those feelings like a light, it's the same with me, i cannot hate my stbx because i know she is a genuine caring person, not heartless and it took a lot for her to tell me how she felt.

He will be missing what qualities you have believe me, but don't let your good nature get in the way of your progress, save some for yourself...........best wishes in the future

sandrew

Thank you so much x

Hi Neen

Just wanted to let you know that reading your msg has made me realise i am not going mad. I too feel sad one day and ok (or numb) the next day.

As one of the replies you already have had says, I feel we are going through a period mourning/grief. Its a death of a realtionship. Also for me its the fear of the unknown.

good luck

x x

yes your right Lost1, it's the fear of the unknown, stepping out without your rock by your side, supporting you at times of need, someone to mull things over with and also the starting all over again, bit like snakes and ladders, it's no fun, cos you after all, also have to deal with the rejection as well as the gloomy way forward, but i'm sure in time we will all see the light at the end of the tunnel.