Life after divorce takes years to re-establish you

Hello Everyone
Just joined after reading a great article about this site.
I have been divorced for nearly 3 years now (separated nearly 5)
I had went slightly" bonkers for a few years, cried constantly, couldn't hold down my job (too much pressure and stress)I moved to Yorkshire, then moved back to London and now I am on the Essex coast. I think I have been running away all the time to try and find a new life for me. Thank God for friends and family helping me through. But you know what, it is still really hard, I haven't gained my self confidence yet. As for dating - that is still a mystery. Being married for nearly 20 years then he went off with a woman 3 doors away which continued on for 1 and half years - a long long story.
If you can get it over fast really fast and move on, I know that this is better, don't be like me and believe the lies and deceit, you owe it to yourself to start a new life as fast as possible. I struggle everyday. Be kind to yourself, but move on as quick as you can, I know that this may sound hard and unrealistic but I know from experience this is the best way.
As right now I am still alone and struggling.

how true
and it does not help when others around you seem perplexed as to why you are not moving on faster!

everything takes time
which is always running out

Yes, friends family they are really full of help and sympathy but none of them have gone through it. The older you are the harder it is. One of my friends went through it 10 years back, he has been really supportive, thank God, but he tells me just to get on with it now. The trouble is you I lost so much, my home, my job which I couldn't keep up, loads of money, well you do don't you.

god i am only at the begaining of this horrible journey we have to make to try and get over it! i am getting annoyed at myself already! I am fed up of feeling like this but i know i ahve to go through it to enable me to have a future. like you said , the partner who leaves seems to move on without experiencing the pain we feel! my heart goes out to you 10 years of feeling like this must be a nightmere! i hope you find a way to move forward and find happiness again! xxx

Shirl, I hope you find happiness.

Dont be in too much of a rush to find anyone or change anything. The race is long and its only with yourself. We all at times want to get back a bit of what we had. Family, security and that feeling of belonging and perhaps loved by someone. But in reality we had no security. We was living on borrowed time and usualy we wasnt loved like we thought we was. So often what we want didnt and doesnt exist.

The best best thing I think is be happy and at peice with yourself. Learn to love being in your own skin. Become a "no needs" person. By that I mean be self sufficiant in every way. So that when you meet someone you want them rather than need them. And if it turns out to be not right for us we have the inner strength to walk away becuase we are strong enough to do so and not stay becuase we have to. C.

The biggest irony of all is that once you are over it it's like a blindfold being removed.Then you think why did I waste so much time worrying about that or living in a cell of unhappiness of my own makin.
The other persons actions will make you unhappy in the first place,but ultimately you are responsible for the length of time that you allow this to effect you mentally not them.
Wish I was more eloquent.
Don't run away from your feelings establish who you are as an individual and then do what you want to do through choice,whether that's being single or finding someone else.
all the best
Pete xx