Hello there

Hi Richard, hi everyone

Welcome to wiki. You will find lots of support here from peeps who are where you are or have been there. We are all at different stages of the grieving process.

Not sleeping or waking up early is normal for what you are going through. One of the peeps here on wiki explained that waking up early is your bodies defense mechanism. You will probably find that you wake at around 3 to 4 am. This is when you are most likely to dream and your body automatically wakes you before you have a nightmare. Makes sense me thinks!!

Willoway

You will walk into the sun again, it will take time and you have to go through different stages but it will happen. Stick with us and we will help you.

xx

hello Richard,
Sorry to hear your story! my husband left 7 weeks ago after 19 years marriage, 2 children. The only reason he gave was didnt love me. I suspected an affair and over the last week there is eveidence surfacing that he is having an affair. He continually denies this saying it all in my head. usual story of the one who leaves convinces us who have been left, as they are to weak to admit there wrong doing.
The emotions you are feeling are normal, my feelings are all over the place! i cannot predict how i am going to be in the next 5 mins! my sleep is still disturbed and like you and many others on here i wake up early and the crying and nightmere continues!
coming on here gives me reassurance that what i am feeling is normal and the ones who have survived have found hapiness again.! so there is light at the end of the tunnel! just hope we all get there as quick as possible!!!
keep posting you are not alone!
take care x

Thank you all for the kind words, I will mention Relate. My wife is "strong willed", so I tend to agree with Boo2u21964 that trying too hard to change her mind would make things worse.

I think she may be interested in someone else, but she tells me there isn't anyone.

I'm feeling a bit more positive now, thanks to your support, but also I'm building up (hopefully not false) hopes that she won't follow through with this.

Hi Richard

Just to echo what everyone else has said - it does get better but you have to go through the process of grieving first and it takes different time for everyone. Look after yourself, take one day at a time and talk to people (here or elsewhere) as this helps you sort out your thoughts and feelings which then lets you move forward.

Agree with what others have said in that you need to talk to your wife and see if there is anything to be done to save your marriage as a first step. If not, I'm afraid that you will just have to accept the situation and then look at how you come out the otherside by making arrangements to suit everyone. Your S is the most important person to consider here. As others have said it doesn't mean he'll drift away. My son was 7 when his dad left and he still has a great relationship with him 6 years on. If you need any help or advice just ask on here and someone will be able to answer you or point you in the right direction.

Take care

Janey

Thank you Janey

You are right, my son is the most important. My dad left when I was 9, and we drifted apart, so it's something that plays in my mind.

I realise that I'm at the beginning of this 'tunnel' and there are worse scenarios than mine. I'd just like to wish you all good luck, especially willoway, I'm sure there is sunshine waiting for you.

I asked my husband to leave 2 years ago after I discovered his affair, he had changed towards us all in the previous 8 weeks. My kids were grown up and were devastaated, none of them has seen him since. My youngest was 15 and it has had an effect on her confidence and schooling.Hopefully you are in a position to be a positive influence in your son's life and give him support. Be aware that they tend to worry about their parents so try to reassure him.

The pain and hurt don't go away, believe me but it is possible to get on with life and live with it.

I have achieved a lot but still have bad days.

Good luck

Hi Richard,

I have full sympathy for you, there's the normal popular 3 reasons as to why marriages are given up, either there's somebody else, mid life crisis, or something they have been doing all their married life and now decided, no more, it's now time for me (the selfish reason).

I am in the same boat as you, my 22 together years just blown apart, i too have had no satisfactory reason, but like other posts have said, once one person has given up on the marriage, there is no point in digging for reasons, as things will be said to you that will hurt and make things worse and no convincing to try and make it work will will ever come off.

I too at the moment can see no light at the end of the tunnel, but there must be one, stay freindly best you can, stay close to your child, your still his dad, she may be making a mistake, but like my wife, being strong willed will stop them from reversing their decision, even when and if they realise it was the wrong one.

Stay safe, keep well and let it ride, you can do nothing to stop it, best wishes to you and us all in finding our way out of this temporary glitch in our lives.