So confused - don't know where to begin...

Dear All,

I heard about this website by chance and having perused some of the message boards this morning, I think I have found refuge here. God knows, I need to talk to people who know what I'm going through.

Firstly, the basic facts of my situation:

1)I'm 50, my husband is 54.

2)We have two children aged 16 and 17 both of whom are in full-time education.

3)We have been together for 30 years, 27 years of marriage.

4)My husband earns £50,000 per annum. I am a housewife. No independent income.

5)We sold the family home three years ago as we were planning to emigrate but things didn't work out so we stayed in the UK. Have been renting ever since. The proceeds from the house sale are in my account.

6)Our financial situation is fairly straightforward - endowment policy, savings plans, shares in the company which employs my husband.

Five weeks ago, my husband informed that he had been seeing an OW for five years and that he wanted us to separate. He is adamant that he wants us to remain good friends and wants all things financial split 50-50. We are still living en famille under one roof although I'm seeking a rental property which would be suitable for myself and my 16 year old. The elder child will commence university this October.

I think I'm beginning to emerge from my state of shock. My control is slipping and the effort to continue this state of normaility is becoming too draining. He is seeing this OW on a regular basis and I thought I could handle it but I can't.

I'm also getting angry that he thinks he can do this to our family and walk away with 50% of all we've built up over 30 years. He's the one who wants to end it all and yet he gets to walk away with the same as I do?

I know I have to get legal advice - but do I go to a financial advisor or do I go to a solicitor? If one opts for a DIY divorce, does that mean it will be 50-50 split?

Please, any advice or input would be really appreciated. Thanks.

Herida

Go to a solicitor. You may need a financial advisor later on but see a solicitor first.

You gettign a solicitor will not prevent you and your husband remaining on good terms, however, his current position *may* be becasue he knows that given your different arning capacities, you may well be entiled to more than 50% of the capital assets, and is hoping you won't realise this!

The starting point is 50/50 but the second part of the test is whether that will result in a fair settlement. If you split the capital assets 50/50 that would be likely to lead to an unfair result in your case as you would then be left with no income while your husban has £50,000 p.a., so he would be muchbetter off. An order whereby all of the capital was split eqaully, you had a pension sharing order to equalise pension income on retuirement and he paid you maintenace of 50% of his income might be fair (or a little less, on the basis that there is no reason why you should not look for a job, but reciognising that you are very unlikely to be able to earn anything close to his income. His pension (if he has one) is also a joint assets which will need to be shared and you may well need advice from a pensions actuary about what split is needed to giv you both the same amount of pension in retirement.

The fact that your husband has caused the breakdown of the marraige would not be relevent to how the assets are split, however as needs are taken into account it may be relevent if he intends to mive in with his new partner, as he will have someone to share his outgoings with. His housing needs may also be smaller than yours in the short term if the children stay with you.

Any financial settlement is designed to split the assets you have built up together, not to punish him for ending the marriage.