how do i cope with this

not used to being on a site like this. iv been married for 3 and half years, it is a second marriage for both of us. two weeks ago my husband went out and then came home and said he loved me but not in love with me and was moving out. Prior to this we had been happy talking about holidays booking visit to son in germany and he even got me a christmas present and told me he was hiding this. he says theres no one else , he never goes anywhere withoutme, and he needs to have space cos hes confused. he doesnt think he wants to come back. This was such a shock my happy life is in pieces i cant function sleep or eat iv tried to talk to him but no joy what do i do now my life is torn apart and hes now talking about renting a flat cos he cant stay with in laws anymore . why is he being like this we seemed so happy and got on so well . He was so normal saying he loved me and everything that morning .

Hallo - this is the site that none of us wanted to be on, but we are all glad we found it

To be blunt, the "I love you but I'm not in love with you", "I need some space" stuff usually means "I'm having an affair but I don't have the guts to tell you/I'm hoping you'll hang about in case it doesn't work out for me".

At the moment you are still in shock, so be gentle with yourself. Pop into our chat room for instant support, talk to your friends, eat properly and try to sleep.

When you are feeling less stunned you can start to think about what you want to do in the future.

Best wishes

Nell

thank u for repling to me will look out in chat room for you k

NellNoRegrets wrote:

To be blunt, the "I love you but I'm not in love with you", "I need some space" stuff usually means "I'm having an affair but I don't have the guts to tell you/I'm hoping you'll hang about in case it doesn't work out for me".

Nell, You hit the nail on head with that.

Kitkat,

I know this is a hard time for you. Your self esteem will begin to wear you down and this will affect you. Work on that as otherwise you will not be in a clear frame of mind. You will likely believe whatever he tells you which may be lies. Start something new like an activity or hobby which puts more focus on you - ,running,walking,gym,evening class,etc. To help you be strong focus on you. Am not saying there is anything wrong with you but His actions might make You feel that there is.

All the best

kitkat

so many of us have been there and having it come out of the blue is even worse. Nell is so right, the words he has used are him trying to weasel his way round it.

Having him not physically there with you will help you feel more normal more quickly but it will take time. All you can do it take one day, one hour at a time and try to look after yourself. you may not have any appetite but do eat, you may not be able to sleep but get as much as you can and consider some herbal sleeping aids if that doesn't get better in a week or two.

You will come out of this in time but we are all here to help in the meantime

take care

Hi

Older and wiser and now fully divorced.

My advice to you is this: ask him to tell you truthfully whether he is having an affair. If he admits it, tell him to go where the sun don't shine.

Then use the no contact rule - look it up on the web. Go to your bedroom, cry your eyes out, beat the pillows up, take some happy pills to take the edge off your pain, then when you are ready (it took me a while, but wish I had done it sooner), say to yourself "I am better than this, I am worth more than a cheat, this chapter of my life is now closed and I am going to start again", then get out there and do it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

It will be hard, but you can do it girl!

Jo x

thank u for the posts i am trying hard to cope have got sleeping pills and happy pills they are helping with day to day life at the mo i just seem to be waiting for the phone or text all the time in case its him then when i have contact i just cry and feel worse. just want my life back .