My World Is Shattered

After 34 years of marriage I am suddenly alone and do not know how I am ever going to cope or how to "pick up the pieces".

We never had a blissfully happy marriage but most of the time I didnt think things were too bad and we did have some really good times. Then in May 2007 things began to change, he became moody, irritable, agressive etc. When I asked what was wrong he always said "nothing is wrong". As time passed, he began to blame me for everything, I could do or say nothing right, he said cruel and hateful things to me and didnt care if I became upset. Arguments became commonplace ... once again they were always my fault !

I then discovered he had been texting, phoning and occasionally meeting women he had "met" on the internet or on a mobile phone text chat. Obvously I was hurt and angry by this and after a while he promised it would never happen again. A few months later it did happen again, and again. Each time I found out and he promised this was the last time.

We had a massive argument in June this year and he packed his things and walked out. He later phoned me and told me he was living alone and needed time to think things over but we could still remain friends, if that was what I wanted. Hearing this, I stupidly hoped once he had time to think, we would get back together and everything would be okay. He did keep in touch but his whole attitude towards me was hostile to say the least !!!

Then a few weeks later he phoned to say he still wanted us to go on holiday (he booked it at the beginning of this year). I was so happy, this was the chance I had been waiting for ... a chance to talk and hopefully put things right. It didnt work like that at all. He was off hand all the time, sometimes nasty, sometimes quiet and sometimes agressive and refused to talk about any personal issues.

Once back home (alone) I still kept hoping we could sort it out, I could not just turn my back on 37 years of being with someone, even if that someone had changed and almost become a stranger.

Three weeks after the holiday, he unexpectedly came to the door, very upset, crying and begged me to let him in as he needed to talk. Apparently, the whole of this year had been a lie, he had met someone on one of the chat sites.a woman 21 years his junior. He is 60, she is 39. He had rented a house for her in April this year, spent as much time as he could with her (I thought he was working late or working away). When he left me in June, he went to live with her. I have to be brief now because it would take hours to tell you everything ! Basically, she had thrown him out (the house he arranged was in her name only). He was absolutely devastated and my heart went out to him. He asked if he could stay with me for a while until he could sort everything out and I said yes. Okay, I admit it, I was hoping again!!!! In spite of everything I still love him and want him back. After a week of him being even more nasty, agressive and hurtful and having to listen to him telling me how he had never loved anyone like he loved her and how he could not live without her ... he went back to her.

Since then I have done nothing but cry, I cannot sleep, eat or function normally, I feel ill all the time and do not know which way to turn. On top of all this, our son is getting married in 4 days time and I do not know how on earth I am going to get through that day. What should have been a happy, family time has turned into a nightmare.

Now my world is completely shattered, I have lost the man I love, the life I used to have and the future I hoped we would have.

I apologise for this very long message but, having no friends or family (apart from my son) I really felt the need to "talk" to someone.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.

((((big hugs for you)))

you may not believe this, but it will get better.

OK first thing is to get through the wedding. Forget your own woes for a few hours and concentrate on celebrating your son's big day and being surrounded by friends and family who will be there to support you. No one will be surprised if the groom's mother sheds a few tears either!

second thing
is to realise you are not alone. Lots of people on this site have very similar stories to you. My ex left me for someone else last year, and although I was in bits, I now realise that the man I thought I loved wasn't there any more, and had been replaced by a pathetic coward.

Do what helps - go for long walks, curl up in front of the tv, start a blog on here.
See your gp about counselling - it helped me. Your local library will be full of self help books on relationship breakups. Use what works, reject what doesn't.

Try to sleep sensibly, eat well (soup is easy to get down) and plan a treat each week to look forward to, even if its just coffee with a friend, or a soak in the bath or watching a favourite tv programme with a glass of wine/mug of hot choc.

Don't rush into any decisions, take your time to think about what YOU want from the rest of your life. It's scary, but its also exciting and you will eventually feel a sense of empowerment.

Pop into the chat room for instant support and keep posting!

Love

Nell

((((big hugs for you)))

you may not believe this, but it will get better.

OK first thing is to get through the wedding. Forget your own woes for a few hours and concentrate on celebrating your son's big day and being surrounded by friends and family who will be there to support you. No one will be surprised if the groom's mother sheds a few tears either!

second thing
is to realise you are not alone. Lots of people on this site have very similar stories to you. My ex left me for someone else last year, and although I was in bits, I now realise that the man I thought I loved wasn't there any more, and had been replaced by a pathetic coward.

Do what helps - go for long walks, curl up in front of the tv, start a blog on here.
See your gp about counselling - it helped me. Your local library will be full of self help books on relationship breakups. Use what works, reject what doesn't.

Try to sleep sensibly, eat well (soup is easy to get down) and plan a treat each week to look forward to, even if its just coffee with a friend, or a soak in the bath or watching a favourite tv programme with a glass of wine/mug of hot choc.

Don't rush into any decisions, take your time to think about what YOU want from the rest of your life. It's scary, but its also exciting and you will eventually feel a sense of empowerment.

Pop into the chat room for instant support and keep posting!

Love

Nell

Hi Leona

Sorry that you find yourself here but as Nell says you will get lots of help and support. Your story is also similar to mine, my husband left four weeks ago after telling me he had been seeing someone else once a week for nine months. I could not believe he could split up our family in this way for someone who i would say he hardly new but he did it anyway.

Try to take Nell's advice ( it is always good ) and enjoy your son's day.

Hope to see you in chat.

Julie x

Huge hugs for you. There is so much support here, hang on in there x

I feel for you and I and many people on here are with you. You are not alone, you can survive, you have lived through the past few years of lies and life will get better.
I am one year since stbx left and 10mths since I discovered OW, yes younger 23years age gap, he now 52, her 29.
But this year is feeling better because I KNOW. I've lived through the lies, the aggression, the irritation of me, the blame, the excuses.
I know he is not who I knew, nor who I now want.
I and all of those that have been left for selfish reasons deserve so much more.
What is so hard at times is to start thinking about yourself. Be kind to yourself, you have given so much with little reward from him.
I had the crying in the MH, he was loosing his best friend. I embraced him and now know that at that time he was in a relationship with his little friend. Now to protect myself until my wound is healed he drops/collects the children in the drive, I have no contact except via e:mail which I set up as a separate address so I only look or use it when needed. I am gradually sorting out all things that tied us. I will be and am moving on.
Slowly, onestep at a time.
You are so not on your own. I used here and samaratans for those 3 or 4 am times.I howled like an animal.
Now this week I have only been alittle reflective on one day.

Be proud at the wedding, you have done a good job. Take care and talk more.
xx

Hi Leona, my heart goes out to you, your husband sounds weak and spineless, but thats easy for me to say, Ive put up with a situation for 10 months, hubby had affair for 5 years, tells me its over, living at home with us but not really committing to me. All I can say is, go to your gp ask for help, antidepressants do help, Im a nurse and am able to function well at work in spite of them, they will get you thru, maybe just take the edge of the pain that you feel, take little steps daily, I know the pain and hurt is unbearable, and very overwhelming,so write down how you feel, it helps, if you can afford to go to counselling do that.I stopped eating and lost kilos in weight, good for my figure, but not so good for my health. As nell says soup is easy to get down, do your best to get thru the wedding for your sons sake, is hubby going to be there? This site has helped me no end, its good to know that things do get better, as from where you are, you probably cant see that at present. Im a much stronger person now that I was 10 months ago, then I would have hung on to my husbands leg to stop him leaving, now Im not sure whether I want him anymore. People on this site will chat, help you to become stronger, so keep popping in, take care and good luck with the wedding, ausgirl