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Hi Paul

Welcome to Wiki. It's a place none of use wanted to end up, but it is brilliant for getting help, advice and support during what is a horrible time.

Your situation is very similar to a lot of people here, mine included. The fact is that it takes 2 to work at a marriage and only 1 to destroy it.

The best thing you can do at the moment is to be there for your children. Try to give them stability and make sure you stay strong and keep your dignity for their sake.

When it comes down to a financial settlement, don't rush into anything, and stand up for yourself. As you go through the process keep posting on here for advice on specific areas.

All the best

Steve

Hi and welcome to Wiki. I've found this site to be invaluable. So much advice and support. Take care x

Dear Paul,

I am really sorry things are so bad for you at the moment. It seems like a pit at first (at least it did for me) but 8 months on I am much more sorted and I hope you will be too. I tried to take one day as it came and then another - small steps - the fear and betrayal was overwhelming.

Your wife is blaming you as it will help alleviate any guilt she may have and allow her to feel justified in screwing you financially. Please, please get yourself to a solicitor asap. When you feel this bad emotionally you need someone else to do your thinking for you and I look upon mine as a "paid friend" who is doing what I would do for myself if I had the knowledge and emotional energy to do it. She has earned her (hefty) fee many times over in what she has saved for me.

I'm a relative newby on this site and to divorce also, so I feel I'm overstepping the mark in giving anyone else advice but can I just finish with two last things.

Your children - Any paternity doubts must be devastating and I cannot imagine how you must feel. But whether they are biologically yours or not you have loved and cared for them and will continue to do so and that's what makes a dad. Don't let her use that as another weapon against you.

And finally - I doubt there is anything you can do or say that will affect any decision making your wife is currently doing. So look after yourself and think of number one, carry on being a good dad and see a solicitor.

Good Night and God Bless,

Mrs Mellors.

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Good luck Paul.
The one thing I can never accept is that my husband made no effort al all to try and save a happy family and a good marriage. We were both very committed to each other and our family but he lost that as soon as he met the other woman. How can you throw everything away for someone you have only just met? As he was lying to me about wot was wrong with him I told him I would do anything to save our marriage and family and as I found out later he just went off to meet her again. He just tried to make himself believe that he wasn't happy, strange how they never mentioned it or acted unhappy until the affair isn't it?!!! I had an email from the ow's husb and she had done exactly the same.
It does get better, the pain doesn't go away, it hurts less in time but you just learn to live with it.

Jackie I'm with you - feel exactly the same way. Will never understand it... but am determined to move on.