hi

hi,my name is al i am 52 years old.separated 4 years 4 months sadly.i live in the marital home with daughter aged 24 and youngest son aged 20,eldest son aged 28 is married and lives locally and has a son who is nearly 1 year old.i have no contact with wife and dont know or want to know her circumstances,i am scared what this knowledge would do to me.i am very depressed and down and have no-one to talk to.i keep things private if i can. i still love my wife and will never understand why this happened.i am afraid i am in a shell like life,i only go to work,my mums or to watch my football team.i dont go to town or shops or for a walk as i am scared of seeing her with someone else,it would kill me.
last week i received a solicitors letter stating that she wishes to start divorce proceedings with my consent if i sign and return the enclosed form in side 14 days or she will proceed on grounds of unreasonable behaviour.any advice would be welcome,as i am on a low wage i cant really afford a solicitor and i am afraid i will lose my home.

Oh dear. You have my sympathies. You have obviously had a long marriage, you still love her and feel the loss keenly.

From what you say, your options are

1. Agree to a divorce by consent ; or
2. Not agree, in which case she could divorce you for UB or wait another 8 months when she won't need your consent.

I am afraid I think your suspicions that he has found someone may be well founded.
Why is she doing this now ? She's been separated for almost five years. She
could simply choose to remain that way, but doesn't. The obvious reason why she wants to do it now is because she has found someone else and wants to marry this person.

Unfortunately you won't be able to stop her
divorcing you if she's hell bent on it.
After 5 years it's more or less automatic.

Whichever method is chosen is very unlikely to affect the issue of financial provision, but if she has indeed found someone else, then that could make your potential burden lighter for a number of reasons. if she is living with him it
means her housing needs are satisfied, and
that could weaken her case for a sale. After such a long marriage she us going to get something, that's inevitable, but it's a little hard to advise without knowing your respective circumstances.

It is naturally emotionally hurtful if my suspicions are well founded. Sooner or later you will both have to fill in something called a form E and that will ask her whether she intends to marry or cohabit, and if she answers Yes, then you know.

I'm sorry if I have got this wrong, but I
sometimes do have to give advice which is not welcome. Good luck. There is a lot of support available on this site.

LMM

thanks very much for your reply,it is greatly appreciated

Hi, sorry can't help on the legal stuff Al, I'm learning through it too.
As for keeping things private, they are private as long as you want them to be.
I wouldn't dream of telling in real life what I have here. We are all in the same boat though. say as much or not as you wish. we don't know you.
Keep posting.

I am so sorry to hear about your situation. If you are on low wage, you maybe able to get legal aid. You need to be positive and the divorce will the best thing as you will be able to move on. I know how you maybe feeling. But you do come out the other end.