Hello another one bites the dust

Hello All,

Another Newbie here. Just a brief outline.
I have been going through a divorce now since the papers were served in February 09. It’s been a struggle and taking its toll. Long story but I'm Ex British Army (22 Years). I spent 5 years working in Iraq as a civilian to cover a mortgage and provide a good life for her in doors and the children. Working now in Central Africa Republic (C.A.R), to still pay the mortgage while the financial side of life is being sorted out (Court on the 24th September). Anyone been to court over financial dispute and what can I expect, and prepare for??? I’m living like a goat in C.A.R, whilst she is living in a hard earned 5 bed house. GRRRRRRRRR LOL

Hi andy, sorry to hear your story.
Frstly, why are you going to court? did no other avenue seem possible, mediation etc or is it that you cannot get back?
How many kids have you got and what is the equity in the house?
Thats good for starters but there is a load more info you would need to give for the learned ones to help you.
If you have 2 kids there is no need for her to stay in the house.

Bob,

Thanks for the reply. I have had no choice . I would had given her everything. However while I was away in Iraq she turned nasty. I tried to see my children last time I was home and quess what!! She called the Police. At present I have no where to live and nothing. Hopefully the courts will see through everything. Good thing is I can afford a good solicitor and i've got a barister to represent me in court. Any advice is welcome as I feel completly alone.

Rgds

Andy

The feeling of being alone I guess is mega fold in your case mate. Believe me you are not alone and one day fairly soon, things will be as ok as they can be for you, I am approaching that now after a year of hell.
Maybe that is no consolation mate but believe me you do feel like it only happening to you, as you see from this site, a new visitor every minute!
Emotions run high and dont be ashamed to cry unless your past that, but it is a good release as I am sure you may already know.

The only thing you need to fight for is to see your children, keep a diary even a video diary, I do, for them, so if things dont work out at least if they get chance to see it or read it in 15 20 years they will know, but hopefully it wont come to that.

Thanks Bobinalong.

Kind words, I hope it does as its taking a serious toil on my health now. Being here dosnt help. Just want to get on with now so I can move on

Its difficult to move on so early. I also have been there regarding the health, I lost 3 1/2 stone in a very few months, if I could sell the diet i could be worth millions, I would call it the devastation diet.
I started going to the gym, something I wouldnt have really done before. I had already lost the weight, just needed to build muscle back up, or from scratch anyhow, trouble is I wasnt really eating well at the time.
Now, I look pretty good, fitter than I have been for years and got a tan this summer too, its about feeling good for yourself, look to see if you can do something different in your life, something you can look forward to and take up some of your time? Not sure if that possible?
Have you tried power kiting? its the best release of energy and makes you feel brilliant.
You have to keep yourself healthy, try to eat well and sleep, its what lot of people advise on here and it seems so irrelevant, but truly it is not.

I would say the reason she called the police is becasue she is scared of you, she may not be sure of what you might do.
You will find that some of the things she does are very text book. My stbx was very much so, she tried and tried to piss me off so much i lost my temper and either gave up going to get the kids or lost my temper and hit her, thats what she really wants so she get get me kept away. I know thats what she has tried.
I have never hit anyone, but there is a limit to everyone when they are pushed, i just kept in mind that i always want to see my kids, so I was very restrained, but I could honestly know her damn head off. She doesnt really deserve it though. (the head that is!!)

I am sorry to hear of your experiences and it must be awful to not be able to see your kids, I have been very lucky and always had mine with me even if it has been a struggle at times.
It is so difficult for the kids too and they need to know you are still there for them. I tried to maintain the kids' contact with x but no effort on his part. Shame as he was a very good husband and father(one of the best actually) until he met ow.
It is very hard to see their pain while u r coping with your own.
Good luck and I hope it all works out.