Introducing myself

Hi can anyone offer me any advice I have been seperated for 2 yrs my ex left me . We have a 8 yr old daughter together who sees her father every other wknd and half of the school holidays. he is veryunreasonable stating he will pick our daughter up but refuses to drop her home again forcing me to drive 100 miles to collect her also he does not pay any maintenance claiming he is paying off debts from when we where married but maanges to support his new girlfriend and her 5 yr old son he live quite far away so contact is difficult does anyone have any advice for my situation gladly recived

thanks

Sorry silkykit, I know nothing regarding children, lots of others here will though.
Just wanted to say welcome and keep posting.

sillykit,

Where are you in the divorce process? Have either of you filed for divorce? Have you agreed a statement of arrangements? Finances?

He should be paying CM for her (15% of net income for one child). If he will not pay voluntarily then you should contact the CSA for their help. It is a slow process but they do get there eventually.

Contact and maintenance are two separate issues. You are doing very well to maintain the contact. It is important that this continues. Presumably it was him who chose to move away?

It may be that mediation could help you with this one?

Hadenoughnow

Hi

I am a man 100 miles from his 2 children. My wife left me for another man and it was me that moved away and I was disappointed that she wouldn't meet me half way with the travelling. I've always preferred just letting go of these minor annoyances and even giving a little extra in other areas.

It's like pulling on a rope: if you stop pulling then the other person often stops pulling too.

We normally tend to get back what we give out so I'm always being forgiving and generous as far as my emotions will allow.

In my case, I now enjoy flexibility and cooperation with my ex without the hassle of the CSA.

Of course, people and situations are different but people tend to react consistently throughout their life. If you know your ex well enough, ask yourself what used to win him over or how would he react by being shoved into a corner.

I'm not sure whether that my ex knows that I don't react well to force and manipulation, but that has always been avoided and life seems to flow well.

A friend of mine was subjected to the force of the CSA by his ex in order to increase his maintenance payments by 30% - so he decided to move to Spain and stop paying maintenance all together. The CSA has no jurisdiction so no maintenance payments has become the outcome.

Whatever action you take, consider all of the consequences.

My philosophy is to only get even if it is in response to something positive. In that respect, there is a chance that both parties will build a positive relationship.

It takes faith and forgiveness - up front - to enjoy the chance of an upward spiral. Or the alternative is to serve a threat and enjoy the moment, but to ultimately endure a downward spiral.

We all have the same feelings. No-one is better than anyone else and it's your choice.

My suggestion is to try to understand your partner's perspective and become the forgiver, the one with generosity. Ultimately, that will set you free.



Good Luck

Paul