First Post

Hi

I am a 47 year old Man who's wife left in 2005 for another. I've avoided alcohol and suicide to get to a place where I can be at ease with who I really am. (Good for you, I hear you think)

I never thought I could live without a partner until I admitted to an underlying feeling that I needed to be loved so much (although I would deny that reason to myself).

I'm no psychologist but it's been a hell of a ride in a psychological respect and I've come to learn a lot about myself and relationships. Initially, to indicate to my ex where she went wrong and what we can do to get it right. But ultimately to come to know myself and what I can do for my own future.

Although you can't see it, there is light at the end of the tunnel - and the light is a different colour for everyone but it's up to you to find out what it is for you.

Time is a great healer but it's hardly instant. Just "wait" for now. If you can't see a way forward just say to yourself "OK" and then wait a bit and see what's next. It's more a case of letting go than struggling for a result.

Nothing stays the same and everything changes. Hang in there things will get better as fast as you'll let them.

Paul

PS I'm writing a book to help people like us that are going through this traumatic phase. Please message me with either what you would like to have answered or with your own case history and I will send you a free copy of the completed book.

Your words have given me a bit of hope

Hi Paulsx,

I can understand where you you coming from. I broke up from my partner of 14yrs. A break-up can be a hard journey to endure but you do eventually come out stronger for it. The emotional 'pain' is a nightmare and before you would have always thought you would be able to ride the storm but you don't know its ferocity until you go through it yourself. A good friend said to me - "Choose your medicine wisely to rid you of this pain". What I chose has helped me a lot in a positive way.

Initially the split left me angry and I was slowly turning bitter towards my ex - the lies,deceit and especially when she drastically reduced my contact with my kids. But I can forgive her, she will never know that. It does not mean I would get back together but its helped ME move forward with my life a lot quicker and easier than I thought. I don't want to end up hating my ex or any one else. You can hate someone so much and it will eat you up and destroy you. Nothing seems to happen to the 'hated' person, just you. To help free myself from this situation I've learnt to forgive & let go then begin to move forward.

The trauma of this journey is slowly beginning to ease off for me but am still left scarred by the whole episode.

I am beginning to feel free and happy once again and I think to myself.......It's good to be ME again.