Can't breathe

I can't breathe today. Keep thinking back to this time last week that although he'd admitted to having sex once we were trying to rebuild things until I found it it had been a 3 year affair.

Didn't sleep last night again, just cried, but put on my mask for the kids. The worst was when I did the school fun and my smallest (7) waved at the school fence and looked so forlorn. How could he do this to us? He sent me a text yesterday, saying how sorry he was etc, and that if only I could give him a glimmer of hope that maybe one day we could get back together then he could cling to that.

I can't even think to tomorrow. Dread staying in the house but dread going out. Keep thinking the key will turn in the lock. Half of me wants to go back to the blissfully unaware state of last week, but then how can I have chosen someone who could cheat on me for 3 years and never know. Is it a flaw of mine that this happened after 16 years.

We have to meet up tonight for our eldests (10) school meeting. He then wants to come back to talk about what happened as he says although he had the affair there is more to it and I need to know. Do I need to know? I want to but will it make any difference.

Wish this tight feeling in my chest would go. Am sitting at work trying to act normally but can't concentrate on anything.

Sorry to rant but friends and family only advise how mad I am being soft and talkative to him. They think I'm a pushover. I just thought we would be together for ever and can't imagine anything else.

Friends and family try to be helpful, but you have to do what you feel is right. It is too soon for you to make any decisions - dont just give up yet. I found a chat on the phone with Relate helped at the beginning, as they ask the right questions! When you meet up, try and listen to each other without interrupting, but DONT blame yourself as everthing takes two!! Dont talk through the night tho as you just get worn out1 Hang in there x

Welcome to Wiki - you will get all the support and friendship you need here to get you through this dreadful situation.

I would personally try and give yourself some breathing space. It is early days. Do not blame yourself - you may not have had a perfect marriage, but very few of us did. If he had been unhappy, he could have talked to you, suggested couples counselling etc. to try and get through it. Instead, he has embarked on an affair and has torn your family apart in the process. Some people want to know the ins and outs - I did at the beginning. I have not had any kind of explanation (he can't face me) and now, 10 months later, none of it matters. Who she is, what she does, where they met etc. means nothing to me at all. What matters is the lies, the continued lies and the impact his behaviour has had on our children. You will see many people here say the same - the affair itself very often pales into insignifcance in the face of all the lies. You can talk to your husband but are you now going to be able to believe anything he says?

Try and work out what it is YOU now want. Thinking time is valuable. Talking to people on here might help - pop into chat where you will meet lots of friendly people only too willing to talk things through and share their experiences - we are all at different stages in this process.

At the beginning, I would have done anythign to save my marriage. Now, I am glad that I was never given that opportunity - he is no longer the man I married and that was the only man I want to be married to. But it has been a long haul to get to that position. I now know who my friends are, have made many new friends and am far more settled in myself. I am not yet at the point of saying this is the best thing that ever happened to me but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Take care and take it slowly. Be kind to yourself and in looking after your children's needs, remember you have needs too.