Hello. Here's my situation, would appreciate any advice or comments etc.
My wife and I agreed to split just after Christmas and I left the
marital home on 8th January. The split was amicable and by mutual agreement, we'd had a trial seperation last year but things hadn't improved and we were both unhappy, nobody else was involved. We had got back together initially for the children but it was clear that my eldest was picking up the bad vibes which made us decide splitting was probably the best option.
I left the home (value around £150k with £100k mortgage) as I wanted the minimum stress for our two children, my daughter is 6 and my son is 4. The house is close to their school and my wife cannot drive so this seemed to be the logical option.
As my wife works part time and earns around £400 a month she couldn't take the mortgage on herself and so we both pay £150 a month towards it, it's interest only.
My wife gets around £800 a month from benefits and I pay her £300 a month maintenance, this being slightly more than the CSA website calculator advised I should pay, the children are staying at my house two nights a week and have done since we split.
I earn around £2,000 a month net (I do some overtime so it varies slightly) and my rent is £500 and I have also taken all the debts with me which amount to around £550 a month. This includes the new car that we bought just before Christmas which I am going to sell to pay off some of the debts. As you can probably work out once I've paid everything I have about £300 a month to pay all my food and petrol etc so I am currently spending more than I earn even with fairly minimal money for going out and entertainment etc.
When we split up we discussed things at length and my wife told me she would always be amicable about things and that she wanted us to remain on friendly terms for the children's sakes. However, things have broken down since I have started a relationship with another woman - someone that I hadn't met until after we split up. My wife also has a new parter who sometimes stays over in the marital home, something I don't have a problem with but I do think it a little cheeky when I am paying half the mortage.
Whenever my wife (we're still married, haven't started divorce proceedings yet) knows that I am seeing my new partner I get all kinds of upsetting text messages. She has threatened on numerous occasions to stop access to the children and while I know she cannot do this it still affects me emotionally.
We've never had any definite times for picking up and dropping off the children but I always have them Thurs and Saturday nights. Last week she sent me a text asking me to collect my son at 11AM (text was received at 9:30AM) but due to an accident on the motorway I was 45 minutes late and she then called me a bad father for being late and upsetting my son who had been expecting me for nearly an hour.
Last time I saw her she said she was going to the courts to get me to pay "spousal maintenance" - I simply cannot afford to pay any more than I already am doing and she already has more disposable income than I do. By my estimates she has £1,350 a month to pay the bills (mortgage already taken off) including food etc for her and the children compared to my £300.
I'm seeing her on Weds with her sister as "mediator" to discuss access to the children going forward - I do trust her sister to be impartial and will walk out if it turns out not to be the case. I'm going to suggest my wife divorces me as she can get legal aid I suspect and so it wont cost her anything. As long as I still get reasonable access to the children I will also agree to some changes there in which nights they stay etc but I wont agree to paying her any more money as I can't afford to and I think the current situation is more than fair as it is.
My main worries are access to the children as my own father was killed in an accident when I was 8 years old and I don't want to think that my children will not know their own dad. I also have some concerns that I will lose everything I have put into the house and will be forced into a life of poverty.
I am also considering moving in with my new partner (she has her own house), partly to save money. However this in itself brings new problems as her place is about 1hr 15 mins drive away which will be used by my wife as a reason for them not to stay overnight as she has already texted me saying she doesn't want them "dragged all over the country".
I'd welcome any comments or suggestions, thanks.
