Gloria Gaynor

He drove by the school today so that he could see the kids and I doing the school run. Papped his horn so we waved. Then texted me to say he went out of his way to drive past so that he could see me.

He used to see me every day, but chose her. He still denies anything more is happening with her and that its over. He's not heard from her etc and wants to give me space so that there is a glimmer of hope we can work things out. I spoke to him, because it never would have ended with her if I hadn't found that text last week. He would still be going round for his weekly bonking sessions. He couldn't say anything, which meant most likely it would still be continuing today, with me blissfully unaware. She's not someone he'd want to leave me for, just for sex. But in my mind all I see is that perhaps the next one would be the one he wants to leave me for and I'd find myself back to square one again.

Gloria Gaynor came on the radio as I drove away from school after having this conversation with him, tears streaming down my face. I can't see myself getting any stronger, the pain and hurt seems worse today. I want to be nasty to him but know I need to be nice so that we get along for the kids. Why am I so soft?

YOu will get stronge, it's all still very early days at the moment.

Just sing the Gloria Gaynor lyrics out loud!

Why are you so soft?

Would you feel better if you were mean and malicious and hard? If you were uncaring and nasty and heartless?
Would you be able to sleep at night if you did things that made you uncomfortable.

We all have to deal with this in a way that feels right to us. If you can't be mean, don't be mean, but in the same token, don't be a doormat. You have basic human rights and deserve to be treated with respect and love.

You should not do anything that does not feel right to you. If you wish to approach this situation by being nice, then you should do so. There is nothing wrong in this, it is not a 'bad thing' to be nice and smile in the face of pain and heartache. The secret to getting through this in one piece is to do what feels right to you.
You need to live with whatever decisions you make, you need to be able to sleep at night, so stick to your morals and principals.

I was one of those that chose to deal with my divorce using the 'softly, softly' approach. I lost out on some things, but gained inner peace and also left my ex unable to bitch about me because I was being so reasonable. It is him that has to live with his conscience, him that will be unable to use your 'unreasonable behaviour' as an excuse for his actions.

Stay strong and be true to yourself.

If you need help, just ask, we'll all be there for you.

Love and hugs

K
xx