New here!!

Hi everyone,

I just want to introduce myself. I am going through a separation right now. About 3 months into it.We have been together for 16 years and have 4 children. About 2 years ago he had an affair. I forgave him and we tried for the sake of the kids. We had our ups and downs but we struggled on. We had therapy as a couple but it didin't really help. Anyway, he moved out in August as we decided to take a break from eachother and see what we both wanted. I realised that I wanted to keep trying but he realised that he didn't. He told me that he should not have married me and that he never really loved me and felt that something was missing from our relationship all that time!!

I am still i shock from it all and I find it hard move on. I know its early days yet and I have to just except what he said.

I don't believe that he never loved me. But their is nothing I can do.

Anyway, thanks for listening and I am looking forward to talking to people here and hopefully getting the support that I so desperately need!!!

Karen

Hi Karen

Welcome to wiki your in the right place where their is lots of support and advice.

I Know how you are feeling right now as my ex left me for another women after 18 years of marriage and was in shock and all the emotions that come with it!!it hurts like hell !!!!

Try not to take it to heart when he says he did not love you( easy said than done i know) its normal for them to say that.Its them trying to justify their guilt and convince themselves its over. Of course he loved you, like my ex did otherwise their is no way the marriage would last that long. Once you have read some post on here you will see your not alone on that one.I was hurt along time when my ex said that to me but it turns out they nearly all say it.

Its been 3 years for me now and im now divorced .Its does get better and easier with time , my advice for you is to try to keep yourself busy have some me time and start having some fun and try to be positive.

Your get their x

muchtoomuch x

Hi Karen

My xtb left in June after 8 years of marriage, we have 2 children.

The line that I got was that all we had was companionship and that wasn't enough for him

I sobbed non stop for 2 days in my mums arms, only pulling myself together when I was in front of the children.

Now I am 3 months down the line, and I can really see light at the end of the tunnel now, the support on this website is amazing, everyone knows exactly how you feel.

The thing that got me through the initial horrible stomach churning bit was my family and my friends on the phone everynight when the children had gone to bed.

I owe them all a drink for the tears they had to listen to!

Libra

Hi Karen

Welcome to Wikivorce. 16 years is a long time, everyone is right in that, they usually say something silly like they never loved you. I figured if that was the case why wait that many years, it doesn't weigh up, so obviously it is just a get out sentence that must be in the 'I wanna leave school'.

It becomes easier to cope with as time goes by, even though I didn't want to hear that at the start, those words do bring comfort when you are in the rght place to begin acceptance of what has happened. What's more it is true.

The secret is to feel all of the emotions that you need to feel to work it through your mind, until you get to the place where you feel calmer and more positive about it. That length of time varies for each of us.

I hope that you find as much comfort from Wikivorce as we do, it is a good place to be, if you have a panic moment there is usually someone in the chat room too, which really does help to keep your mind occupied for a bit, it gives you something else to focus on.

Take it easy
NGirly

Karen

Welcome to the wiki family. You will find somuch help and support here.

Drop in anytime you feel you need to and we will all do our best to help you out/cheer you up.

TUF

Hi Karen

You stbx is a bit of a prat to say he hasn't ever loved you. That is really hitting below the belt.

However, you WILL be fine and maybe one day, when you bump into him when you have a gorgeous bloke on your arm you will be able to look stbx in the eyes and say "you know what, I realise I never loved you either, but thank you for the four beautiful children you gave me".

Walk tall and with pride, you will get there.

Jo x

Hello Karen,

I hope you are feeling a bit better after reading the posts here. I think it is really common that spouses "rewrite" the marriage in the light of their new feelings. This shochked me terribly at first but now I know they mostly all do it.

I didn't recognise my own marriage (11 years) from my husbands recollection of it. The most hurtfull aspect was that his mother, who I had previously loved as much as my own mother, also bought into this re-edit and for a while I questioned my own sanity. He left me and the children for the new love of his life a few days before Christmas and I thought I would die of the pain but things are so much better now, even 9 months on.

This nonsensical talk helps justify their cruel actions and makes them feel better - for a while. I even think they believe it themselves. Stay strong for your children (and yourself) as those adverts say - You are worth it.

Mrs Mellors.