I want my son back

HI, I'm new here too.
I think I have been separated for around 3 months? My husband at first said he needed a break & that was all & then I found out he's told everyone we've split up.
He took our teenage son temporarily but wont let him come back & he is missing his brother who is younger. I've tried telling him that it isn't right to split up the kids & can he PLEASE think about the kids first instead of himself! I assume he's done that so he doesn't have to pay maintenance?
I've also found out (just) that he's had an affair that has only just ended.
I'm so angry as I have put up with him for years...he can't hold a conversation with me (or anyone) unless it's about sport & he embarrasses me constantly. He has never treated me with respect & is now blaming me for him leaving (he doesn't know I know about the affair).
I assume he is secretly planning things behind my back as I've already found out things...it';s all so ridiculous & for those who think it can't happen to them, think again!
I have no idea what I am enitled to money wise (we own a home & he has a good business) so I'm now surfing the net as I assume I should find out or he is going to walk all over me.
Anyway I hope I can meet people with similar concerns & we can use each other for support, all I want is for him to put his children first for once instead of himself.....
thank you.
Alison

alieddy wrote:

HI, I'm new here too.
I think I have been separated for around 3 months? My husband at first said he needed a break & that was all & then I found out he's told everyone we've split up.
He took our teenage son temporarily but wont let him come back & he is missing his brother who is younger. I've tried telling him that it isn't right to split up the kids & can he PLEASE think about the kids first instead of himself! I assume he's done that so he doesn't have to pay maintenance?
I've also found out (just) that he's had an affair that has only just ended.
I'm so angry as I have put up with him for years...he can't hold a conversation with me (or anyone) unless it's about sport & he embarrasses me constantly. He has never treated me with respect & is now blaming me for him leaving (he doesn't know I know about the affair).
I assume he is secretly planning things behind my back as I've already found out things...it';s all so ridiculous & for those who think it can't happen to them, think again!
I have no idea what I am enitled to money wise (we own a home & he has a good business) so I'm now surfing the net as I assume I should find out or he is going to walk all over me.
Anyway I hope I can meet people with similar concerns & we can use each other for support, all I want is for him to put his children first for once instead of himself.....
thank you.
Alison

If the lad wanted to go back home, surely he would have told his Father by now and/or he would have voted with his feet? If the lad wishes to stay at his Fathers' do you think it's appropriate that he comes home against his wishes?

Hi Allie

Sorry you are in this position. None of us wanted to be here but it is the best place for support.

Your son is most probably as confused as you are with this whole situation and may not know which way to turn. I know you're in a difficult situation but all you should do now is look after yourself and the little one and make sure you let the older one know how much you love and care for him. Organise a day out for you and your boys, go bowling or something and have some fun together. He may let you know how he is feeling and you can help him deal with it.

Take care and let us know how you're getting on.

Lonely x

this is important how old is your son......anwer priveatley to me if you wish i hve been here

first off your son is having split loyalties, wether he adores you and just 'gets on' with dad he is SO vulnerable and is almost like a baby teenagers are SO needy and vulnerable because they are young adults and 'more' is expected of them, of course gawky bodies and developing mouths as at the awful twos is still children, as even at sixteen thats what they are

( i have a fifteen year old daughter a thirteen yar old son five year old daughter and three year old son and m a proud single parent so honey i DO know......)

the question here is, wht is the next course of action

imagine you were held captive by someone you loved, you LOVEDthem, yet you loved someones else diffrently but also, and yu had to choose, it wuld matter not where you were or who you were with it is like an abusers power, they are puppetts,

when my son was interferred with, i couldnt bring charges because aged four he was classed as a subjective witness in other words, he would agree with wht you wanted him too, teens are the same, older but JUST if not more vulnerable because they apparently can 'voice' their opinons, but if theyve got to go home to that parents house and live with their disdain at least how would YOUR opinon go.......

end of lecture im SORRY but i want to help you

the key is getting some time with your son and taking the emphasis off court proceedings and a full frontal (escuse termnology) attack which makes the other prent 'prepare you are a woman be clever honey

he is your baby....so TALK to your baby OVER A PERIOD OF TIME......give yourself time limit, say six weeks, and then talk to him at 'intervals' coffee, tea, football GENTLY........make it known he ALWAYS has a home if he needs you he can text you silently and arrange a safe meeting point you will cme get him

his dad may not be a risk but is son isnt happy nd wants out its who he SAYS he wants to be with is what a judge will go with

i know this
i have been there.......
pm me if i can help further and dont give up but take a back step and just be MUM its your greatest weapon........it REALLY is

Gargoyle................my son DOES want to come back but I am too scared to put my foot down with his father. Maybe you should read what I said before replying & saying it would be "against his wishes". He thinks he is there UNTIL his room is finished...of course of which his father would NOT finish (I had to do it myself) & had delayed, he doesn't even really know we've split. Hey I didn't even know!! Until I found out everything that my husband has been planning behind my back! His father is letting him do whatever he wants....all day on the computer, anything for dinner..hell he even has his PORN magazine s sitting there for him to see & doesn't care that he sees them.
Great dad he is!!!
So no gargole he does NOT want to stay with his dad.....

alieddy wrote:

Gargoyle................my son DOES want to come back but I am too scared to put my foot down with his father. Maybe you should read what I said before replying & saying it would be "against his wishes". He thinks he is there UNTIL his room is finished...of course of which his father would NOT finish (I had to do it myself) & had delayed, he doesn't even really know we've split. Hey I didn't even know!! Until I found out everything that my husband has been planning behind my back! His father is letting him do whatever he wants....all day on the computer, anything for dinner..hell he even has his PORN magazine s sitting there for him to see & doesn't care that he sees them.
Great dad he is!!!
So no gargole he does NOT want to stay with his dad.....

How old is the child?