Hi, newbie here

It's heartwrenching reading these posts and I'm at a bit of a loss to know what to say.

I seem to be one of the 'fortunate' few (in the loosest possible way!), in that my divorce is amicable and seems likely to stay that way.

I need some help and advice on the technicalities of my husband buying me out of our marital home, but that's about it.

We are both very sad that we couldn't work things out but we have tried for several years to fix things and there's just nothing left. We can both see it turning bitter and resentful if we continue as we are so have decided to keep it civilised and split whilst we are still friends (he now has a new girlfriend and I'm happy for him which tells me all I needed to know about any potential future for us!!).

I have a lot of love and support from my friends, I am looking forward to a new start and I am far from devastated by the prospect of being on my own. Are we the only ones to manage a civilised break-up? Or is just that people who treat each other with respect don't need these forums?

Phedre

phedre, you have said it all yourself really and the main thing missing for you, fortunately is guilt.
The most damaging human emotion.
Al these people have guilt for what they did to their partner thats we, the victims if you like are all hear looking for advice to counter the spiteful and devastating action they take, to ease their guilt they hope to devastate other lives so they feel they are risen above it all and can seem to be the better person, it also involves kids a lot of the time unfortunately, when a lot of women , mostly fall out of love with their man, the father usually does the best to secure a future for his kids with his ex, but the ex wants the money each month but wants the father out of their lives, they do not see the need for the father in the childrens lives, its terrible, maybe in their way it is to leave the door open for the next guy who comes along who is to play fathers role......! Humans, and we are the master race you know.

Hi phedre, welcome.

I too am happy to live alone, I did for 12 years and was never lonely.
I'm more than happy to be civil whilst going through divorce but it takes both sides no good if only one.

The only thing I'll miss about my marriage is my home.

Hi Phedre

Glad you and your stbx are able to remain civilised.

I thought last March when I asked my husband for a separation that we were in the same situation as you. Then I found out he'd been having an affair. He hadn't had the guts to tell me (he was afraid of how I'd react) so he turned from a human being I felt sorry for to a pathetic coward at that moment and I saw that his attempts to tell me about how he still cared about me and wanted to ensure I was ok was guilt, not loyalty.

Anyway you sound as though your divorce will be easier than a lot of people's, and you are aware of that which is good.

Hi Bobbinalong,

I guess you're right, we don't have the guilt or the spite and have both recognised we have everything to gain by remaining civilised and a lot to lose by getting nasty.

It doesn't make the situation happier but it does make it easier to deal with....

Phedre

Hi Nell

Fortunately there was nothing like that for us - the affair didn't start until after we had agreed to split and I wouldn't have cared anyway. There was nothing left for us and I was the one who wanted the divorce so the fact that someone else is now around makes no difference apart from ironically it makes getting a divorce quicker and easier !!