Climbing the walls!

Hello everyone, posting on forums is new to me, but I'm feeling so desperate I thought it would hurt to give it a go!

I'm 32 and have been married for 5 1/2 yrs, I also 2 children, a 5 yr old and a 5 month old.

I've been separated since may of this year and I feel like i'm in the depths of despair, I'm sorry if i'm about to bore you all with my story but I really need some clarity on my situation and in turn that eventually things might get better.

My husband has never been an honest or supportive person to me or the children, but i'm strong (usually) and I get/got on with things etc, He is a very selfish man and despite the needs of myself or my children he could ever give up anything he wanted to do!

He was always going out whilst i was left at home with our daughter, as i always thought its healthy to have a social life that isnt always with me, in truth he never took me anywhere. but i wanted an easy life and as much as i often suspected him of lies i still beleived him as he'd convince me i was going mad.

The final straw came after my little boy was born in April, I had a horrific birth and nearly died, I ended up having a c section so was imobilised for a good while after, within 3 to 4 days of coming home, he was out clubbing rolling in at 2-3am whilst i was home alone with my newborn and my 5yr old and couldnt even get off the sofa due to giving birth.

I told him if he wasnt up for the responsibility of having a family and being a married man then he had to go, (he is 37 next birthday), he finally left when the baby was 6 weeks old.

Since he left its came to light that he actually slept with women that I suspected, when i'd questioned him about these women, he'd convince me i was a raving lunatic and a paranoid wife etc, I eventually thought i was going mad!

I stumbled across a fake facebook account he'd set up, and ended up going online talking to her (she thought it was him) she went on to say what an amazing night she had with him, you can imagine i felt physically sick. He also slept with another whilst i was pregnant.

My married life has been a complete lie and i'm now a single mum, I have no hope of rebuilding my life in the workplace for the forseeable future, he was sleeping with these women whilst we were trying to fall pregnant, is this unforgiveable? I cant understand how somebondy could be so cruel when on numerous occassions i've quesitoned him about these women but he flatly denied it, I've also said to him in the past if he wasn't happy he could go, i woild never stop him as i wouldnt want to be with someone who isnt happy, but again he convinced me he was and he loved me more than anytihng in the world, I have a drw full of sorry letters from him form over the years when i've caught him lying abiut stuff!

He wants to come home, but i feel he is a monster and will never understand what he's done.

I'm also trying to juggle the visiting arrangements for the children, he always comes here but when my daughter has seen him, i spend the next week rebuilding her confidence as she seems to return very depressed.

I dont want him back, never will, I just want to know will i ever feel better about what he's done, he has no remorse, he even said to me last week that one of the girls he slept with wasn't that bad...............I'm his wife I couldnt beleive my ears and he said this in rational conversation.

I've yet to commence divorce proceedings and have decided to take the plunge this week, I feel I have no control over my life anymore, and seriously doubt i will ever trust a man again, my confidence and self esteem is Zero, I used to be confident and happy, I went backpacking round the world alone so I know it was in there for me to be the person i no longer feel i am.

I'm not sure if i've posted this in the right place but hey ho, i'm a beginner!

Can someone tell me what to do, about my life and children with regards to him! I need someone who has been here!

Thank you

X

hi brooksy, I am sure some of the girls will be along soon with some good advice for you.
I'm a blokey so i cant help much, only to say just think about yourself and your children first and forget everything else until you feel ready.
all the best. daleray.

You poor thing i really feel for you ,you have been through so much in such a short time,what with new baby and all.

You will find you again and when you do you will feel fantastic, so you have that to look forward too.

You have made the first step to gaining your life and confidence back by getting rid of the man that does not deserve you.Well Done i know its not easy being a single mum x

My advise is to try to make time for your self to do something you really enjoy.

Have you friend and family supporting you ?
If so they will help you through this tough time.

Life will get easier and better just takes time im affraid.

What ever your sbex says to you to hurt you rise above it his not worth it.Just keep contact conversations to the minimum and talk about just the children,but please try to keep it amicable cause if you have finances to sort out you need to have an amicable relationshop otherwise it gets costly.plus its better for the kids,unfortunately my ex was not amicable and got really nasty!

You have two lovely children be proud of that and them.My kids our everything and have help me keep going through my divorce.

Also i was married for 18 years and found out my husband had cheated on me so i know how hard it is.

But 3 years on im happier without him and found me again and i really like me.

Good luck take care of yourself and yr kids x

brooks,

You have taken the huge step to ask for help...does not mean you will get it...i hope you do..if you do not ..pm me...but I truly expect you will. Take care

Elle x

Hi Brooks
Not a lot I can add except look after yourself and your children. You could have continued married to him and he would have continued in much the same way for years and years. You've escaped early. Make it worth it and have a good life. The divorce will be tough but then you have your whole life ahead without it or him. You sound as if you're a strong coper. I suspect without him you'll be better off

Hi Brooksy

Things will get better and the fact you have got this far with a baby and a 5 year old shows how strong you are.

Take comfort in the fact that you are strong, it's your husband that is weak and he is probably now realising it. Having a dishonest parner was the one thing I found the hardest to deal with. I could accept the affair, but the lies that followed were and still are the things I find the hardest to come to terms with, especially the fact that she comes before the children.

I too travelled round the world before marriage and children and now feel I am back to that person I used to be. Even people who only knew the "married" me have commented how happy and outgoing I now seem (over a year on from separation). I think the real me was smothered by the marriage and a dependent husband.

You are still young and it is early days. Try and get out to do a bit of socialising with friends or come to a wikimeet. Try and have some time for yourself away from the children and to help repair yourself emotionally.

Take care.

Dee

Hi Brooksy

It may not feel like it at the moment but it does get better. It seems that you really are better off without him. You will become strong again and will be happy with your two little ones.

I've discovered through my own breakup that leopards never change their spots. To cheat on someone is bad enough but to do this to you whilst you were carrying his child shows how selfish he really is.

You take care of you and the little ones. You've joined the right place. You will get plenty of support here.

Feel free to pm me anytime you like.

Lonely xxx