Where on earth am I?

Hi

Just joined forum and have avidly been reading what is going on with everyone. So many posts I can identify with - it is a relief to know that this confusion, sadness and anger that I am feeling are the same kinds of feelings lots of others have experienced.

My husband and I just stopped getting on. I tried and tried to get things to improve while we were together but just ended up getting more and more frustrated and angry with him as he didn't respond. We separated a year ago, and have had some space to undrstand and improve our realtionship. In the last month he moved back in and after one week he picked a fight and wouldn't let it go, everything just blew up and he's gone again. We just want different things out of life and can't seem to find a middle ground so are just constantly frustrated and mostly silently, sometimes noisily, blaming each other for being unhappy. I keep trying but its like banging my head against a brick wall. He doesn't really seem to try - he wants an easy simple life (which seems to include lots of guitar playing but no wife and kids in tow)- he says he loves me but also says trying to sort our relationship out is like flogging a dead horse.

Is this how a relationship ends? I'm struggling to accept this is over - is there any way back from the brink? I feel like he is pushing me to start divorce procedings - I am so lost and so sad ...Anyone had an experience like this?

JJ

Have you tried counselling? If not, could you persuade your hubby to give it a go?

I was convinced that OH and I were headed for divorce, but after just three counselling sessions things are already looking more hopeful.

It's not an easy option and there are no guarantees, but if nothing else it might help you both decide for sure that it really is over.

Sadly, so many people seem to be able to end a relationship appropriately - things between my stbx and I would have been so much easier if he had just admitted that he didn't love me anymore and wanted out. It is hard to argue and get upset when people are open and honest with each other. I guess life is never that black and white though!

I agree with Sophe - see if he will go to counselling as a last attempt at putting things right. If he won't, perhaps you have your answer. Counselling doesn't necessarily mean you are working on your marriage - you may well find it a means by which you can understand why your marriage has come to an end. This would make an divorce that much easier to get through.

Good luck with it all. We are all here for you if things don't go as planned.

Thanks for the replies and advice - much appreciated! We have been to counselling before - a relate thing which wasn't too great, so I haven't suggested it again. However, Hubby and I have had a long chat about counselling, and also the different types of counselling out there (counsellors all work in different ways and some aren't very well trained so you do have to find the right person - he booked relate before so I just went with the flow....). He has said that it seems like a good idea which is a good start - I am very pleased as I think we need to move from this dreadful destructive impasse one way or the other. I feel so angry myself that I will be delighted if I can offload some of this horrible negativity and head forward, together or apart, in a healthier way - its doing my head in! If he doesn't do it, I'll go by myself and start to sort things out now.

Thanks for the advice - am now heading in a better direction .... x

Hi Jainedee. All is not lost for you. No one has cheated on anyone and its prob that you have grown apart. I suspect that you both have behavours that wind each other up. Relate is great for talking thru a third party. But dont go with the flow. Otherwise you are wasting your money and a counselers time. You have to **want** to save your marriage. Not you but both of you. And you both have to be receptive to each others issues. Otherwise it wont work.

We all want ME time in a relationship. There is no reason why he cant strum away. Perhaps an answer is to get him to teach you how to play. Not as daft as it sounds. And once you can play you can have regular jam sessions

Or perhaps you need an activity that you can both enjoy. A shared hobbey is the best thing for bringing you both together.

Kids should enhance your life. When you start seeing kids as a duty, things change. Perhaps you both need to see things differently. C.