HI EVERYONE

Hi, came acroos this site and decided to join, I have been married 2years and actually with him 7, In March tis year i found out he was having an affair with a girl 20 years younger it only lasted 6 weeks then he got caught.

He told me it was a mistake and he wanted to be with me i was so hurt but decided i didnt want to split up, now 7 months on he tells me he just sees and loves me like a friend, I love him so much that i am annoyed with myself, wish i didnt but i do all i have done since March is cry on and off.

He tells me he wants to see me happy and i know for sure he isnt seeing that girl or anyone else we have a little girl whos 5 which i know he adores, we are still living together at the moment and he is just being normal he has been on anti depressants since March, its always me bringing it up as i am worried all the time, what is going to happen i dont want a divorce or to sell our house, i really dont think he would bring it up himself if i didnt think he would just be happy living here as my mate.

Sorry to babble on, dont have anyone else to talk to

Welcome to wiki .

You poor thing i know how your feeling .I was married 18 years when i got the shock of my life and found out he was having affair broke my heart.((( hug))))

Are you sure his still not seeing her or in touch with her?Reason i ask as most cheaters say things like i love you as a friend and as mine said i love you but not in love with you etc .

Sorry to say this but it takes two to want the marrriage to work and if his not willing you need to decide what you want.Do really want to carry on living like you are as room mates.You deserve better. Try to go out for a meal together to talk about it.Tell him how you feel and ask him what he wants. you might not like what you hear,but atleast your know for sure where you stand.

I wish you luck and be strong x

Muchtoomuch x

Hi thanks for the reply, hes definately not seeing her, her boyfriend came round to our house when he found out and smashed my husbands car and set fire to it, then 1 month after that he came round again and smashed our front windows, my husband would not dare risk gettin involved with her again and i knew there was something wrong before he got caught i could tell by his behaviour i even asked him was he seeing someone else, his behaviour has just gone back to normal now, so am sure he isnt seeing her.

I know what he wants he told me today again that he will have to get a flat, but only because i asked him, honestly if i didnt bring this up i know he will just want to live here as my mate and he wouldnt mention it again, until someone else comes along.

I know what i should do but im scared, dont want to be on my own, dont want to be in another relationship,(as this is my 2nd marriage and same thing happened 1st time round so am beginning to think that it will just happen again).
Dont want to go through all this again just want the simple things in life my kids to be happy and well, and to have someone who loves me, but really dont think this is possible anymore.

The way your feeling is normal i went through exactly the same feelings but it does get easier.

Plus you picked yourself up before you can do it again.(((( hug))))

I cried for weeks when my ex left i met him when i was 15 and married at 19 we were married for 18 years.I was so scared and did not want to be a single mum and worried financially and about my two boys etc i also said at the time i would never be involved again,it hurts doesnt itx

Three years on im so much happier (apart from the court side of things as my ex has been so cruel)With that aside i know i have a great future and i have a bf in my life who is one in a million plus my kids really like him and we have alot of fun together and i found me again.

Im so independant now and im so proud of myself ive managed to bring my boys up and support them financially and emotionally without any help from my ex as he chose to try and make us homeless and still would if he could.

Your stronger than what you think i know i was.Your kids will be happy as they have a mum that loves them and thats what will see you through.

Take care xx

Muchtoomuch xx

Dear Summerdaze,
That sounds a really difficult situation and I'm most sympathetic. I just wondered about your husband being on anti-depressants since I have lived much of my life with depressed people (mother, current partner). It does make it hard to work through your current problem with such a person. Also, people can behave oddly when they are depressed. What's your understanding about his current mental state? I don't ask this with any intention of excusing his behaviour, just to get a better handle on how you might deal with him.
In any case try not to let it affect you. You need to be strong, and learning how to cope will make you feel much better about yourself too. Life does go on, and it does not all revolve around one person. You will enjoy life again, never fret!

Thanks your so right life does go on and each day i feel stronger, I am still living with my husband got to a stage where i was so sick of bringing up the subject and crying all the time that i decided to just live my life, since i have started to do this he seems much better, We have started talking about everyday things again and hes been great round the house helping out and stuff. When he leaves for work at night he gives me a kiss and then calls me when i go to bed to say goodnight and that he loves me.

We still probably have a long way to go but am just taking 1 step at a time at the moment, i would love it to work out and go back to how it was, but i have also realised if it doesnt then its not the end of the world i will always have my children and family and my job keeps me busy.
His mental state is a strange one he can boil over at anytime although not often but when he does he says he feels like he could kill someone he has been to the docs and told him this and he says its just his personality!! He is now on the lowest strength of citalopram (10mg) he still has no sex drive but who knows what will happen in the future.
I would love to know what he is thinking i asked him on saturday if he thought we will be ok and he said he doesnt know and that he is trying, which is an improvement from the week before when he said there is no chance for us.
I have enrolled myself on a nail technician course, i already have a good job but thought i would get extra qualifications if the worse comes to the worse and i have to support my family on my own then theres always that opportunity to earn some extra cash.
Us women are so much stronger than man but it takes a man to make us realise that

Glad you are feeling more optimistic and positive summerdaze.

Whatever happens in the future you know you will be able to cope with it.

Best wishes

Nell