still cannot believe its happened

hello everyone,never ever thought i would ever b writing this,3months ago came home 2 a letter telling me he had been having a affair 4 the past two and a half yrs with a work colleague,told me he did not love me,he loved her and wanted 2 be happy in his retirement!he had cleared the house out of most of his possessions left his wedding ring on the side,and posted the door key through the letterbox.he then went on 2 collect the love of his life at her house who had just told her husband she was leaving him! i had been married 2 this man 4 32yrs and thought we were soulmates i never in my wildest dreams thought he would b capable of ending this marriage in the way he has done it-the double life he lead carrying on his life here,letting me believe we had a future,letting me believe in the dreams we had 4 our future retirement mine was 2 b christmas not now,im 57yrs of age no children,no family here,what he has done 2 me emotionally is killing me the fact he met someone else seems less painfull now they seem 2 deserve each other....but why are some people so cruel when they do?

Hi mysophie I am sorry to read your post it is very sad that someone who you have loved for all those years can do such a thing.

Please use the site for support and help there are some really good people on the site who have and are going through your pain

Please read the links in my post whilst it may not help you at this early stage it will help you understand why they act in such a cruel way. Hang in there things will get better (I know as I am 6 months down the line from you)

www.wikivorce.com/divorce/Divorce-Forum/...resting-insight.html

Dear Mysophie

I am so sorry to hear what you are going through.I can only imagine what emotional trauma you must be feeling.I know how it feels to be lied to, cheated on and left for another woman.In my case I was with him for just over 12 years, I know how hard I found it and I can only imagine how hard it must be after 32 yrs.
I think it may be too soon to give you detailed suggestions as you are probably still in shock.
I just wondered if you have lots of friends whom you can spend time with?Do you have a few good friends whom you can turn to at anytime night or day?If not theres this site and theres also the samaritans...you'l find it helps to talk, talk and talk somemore.
Its amazing how you can spend so many years with someone and think you know them only to find out that they have lied to you and made a mockery of the marriage vows you took.All I can say is sometimes really bad things happen to good people, for no good reason.Partners can sometimes be selfish and cowardly and it astounds me the depth of the betrayal you have been through.Yours may still well realise that the grass isnt always greener.
Just know that you are not alone.Alot of us have been through this devastation and are still building our own roads of recovery.
We are here to support you as much as we can.
This site is a great resource.Hope it helps you as much as it is helping me.
Be kind and gentle to yourself, at this time you will really need it.

*big hug*

Cx

Hallo Mysophie and welcome to Wikivorce, the site none of us wanted to be on, but are glad is here!

I expect you are still in shock. I was with my husband for 31 years (18 married) and it takes time to adjust to it ending.

You will get there and will feel better, honestly! But there's a grieving process to go through first.

It hurt me like hell to think that while I thought our relationship was falling apart my ex had emotionally moved on - and didn't have the guts to tell me, I wormed it out of him after he'd dropped some heavy hints. So then he was a coward too. I couldn't believe I'd spent so much of my life thinking he was worthy of me.

As to hurting you by the way he ended it - to be frank, I don't think there is a kind way to end a relationship if its not a mutual decision and it rarely is. It's a real kick in the teeth.

It's 16 months on now, and he's still turning up late to collect our sons because he's painting "our" bedroom (ie his and the ow's) or babysitting her children. He never painted our bedroom!

But thinking about that makes me feel bitter so I don't bother now, I just concentrate on my sons and me.

I got through it with the help of this site, anti-depressants, friends, family and counselling. I'm not divorced yet but I do feel I've dealt with the emotional tsunami!

Hi
I'm new to this site too and for exactly the same reasons. We were together eight years - work colleage etc etc. I'm seven months down the road now - and I won't lie to you it's a very long road.

I too could not believe that a human being that I trusted and was compeletely in love with could be so callous and deceiptful.

You are right they deserve each other. He will never be able to trust her as he did you. That's the price he will pay for an affair. They will never trust each other because they both know what lies they are both capeable of telling. What a way to start a new life together......

This site has been of great support and comfort to me, even though I've only been registered for the last month.

Good luck for the future. Keep posting.
Chelle x

Hi mysophie

I myself are also in the same position as you, three months since ex left after 21 years of marriage.

If there was one thing I would have staked my life on it was thet he wasn't a liar or a cheat. How wrong could I have been. He betrayed both me and my tenage children.

I agree wholeheartedly with Chelle and Nell.

Theyn desreve each other.

Take Care Julie x

Hello Mysophie,

Your story has really touched me, as like you and so many people on this wonderful site, my husband of 21 years left me out of the blue for his "soulmate". I too have no children and no immediate family. That was 7 months ago. I am still not great, however I am loads better than I was. So please, please stick with it. I read postings on this site most days, it really does help. Do not be affraid to turn to friends. If there is one thing I have learnt over the past few months, the shocking emotions you are going through are better aired than being bottled up inside. This site helps you to do this.

You are not alone through this horrible time, visit the site regularly.

Novice