Consent order/Divorce

Thanks Ephelia
It really would not matter what I was getting if it meant the rest of my life is controlled in that way. As I said, marriage or a really long term cohabitation, where husband or court can prove cohabitee is willing and able to provide, ok, but I gave a lot to my husband, financially, as well as obvious marriage, parent things so why would someone else take over his belated financial contribution.
Perhaps this is just me but I could not accept this kind of control. I was controlled all through our marriage.
If he refuses to budge, does that mean everything falls apart or is there any third party, court or someone who would mediate without getting solicitors and costs involved.
Perhaps this is just me but continuing control to this extent is obviously a big deal for me.

Thankyou Charles
This was helpful
I can see your point about the ex's point of view but it seems very controlling. A share in house running costs would be reasonable from a new partner but maintenance for my needs? ....
I have just looked at the Which? on divorce but it only refers to a variation, applied for in the future. There it says that 'courts are reluctant to absolve former partner and will not automatically assume that she is being completely supported by the partner'. It will look at the circumstances etc.....
I have just seen that this edition is2005 so maybe completely out of date.
Could I go back to court for variation if cohabitation broke down? Incidentally, I have no relationship and no intention of cohabiting.
Thanks for bothering to help me.

It isnt controlling at all - think of it from a moral point of view - why should your ex be paying for you when you have a new man? It is standard, and no, you could not go back to get maintenance again should any theoretical future relationship later break down.

Hi Selina,

You say you realise that divorce is a good thing to break the tie emotionally, but on the other hand you seem exceptionally focussed on an aspect of financial settlement which is about keeping people connected.

Given that your children are all grown up, and you have been separated for such a long time, courts are often intereted in finding a 'Clean Break' arrangement so that people don't need to have an ongoing relationship. You've also said you have no intention to cohabit so I'm not sure why you're so worried about this aspect.

You've let this hang over your head for a long time. If you're overall happy with the terms of the Consent Order - then think very carefully before you put a spanner in the works and bring everything back to square one. You might even consider whether some part of you is finding it difficult to let this be over, after it being such a defining part of your life for so long.

There would have to be an awful lot of money involved for me to continue sacrificing my sanity to a situation like this.

Good luck.

There is another option which I have seen operated. You can approach your ex and offer to capitalise maintenance by seeking a lump sum in lieu of all future payments. This would cut the ties and give you a lump sum which could be beneficial to both parties.

Of course the new arrangement would have to be agreed in principle as would the amount of the lump sum. There are pros and cons to this arrangements - you would be kicking yourself if you both lived until you were 100 for instance.

Charles

Thankyou Charles
My reply to you alsoapplies to my last 2 posts before yours but, stupidly, I am new to internet and don't know where to find them. Please, last posters, accept this as my thankyou and response.
I realise that I just went completely over the top when this issue came out of the blue and I was angry with my solicitor. If it is a usual clause why did he never mention it when drawing up the consent order. I also realise that this anger opened up old angers at my s2bx which I thought had gone.
I can see the other points of view more clearly now.
I thought that a modest pension share was a reliable income but would not be keeping me attached to my ex because it would be operated bt a third party.
However, perhaps I should have thought about a clean break. My solr and I just never discussed these things so I was naive or just tunnel vision.
I have more of a perspective now through the postings and I will have to talk it over with solr. and decide.
I also need to resolve more emotional issues,as mentioned in the last postings.
Thankyou very much for this help.

hi Elvis fan
I have found your message. Please read my reply to Charles which also applies to you and thankyou very much.