Hi, I'm new to this site.............

Hi.....
I don't really know where to start. I'm supposed to be catching up on all the housework, etc. while ex has kids, but I discovered this site yesterday and I can't put into words how relieved I am.
I am 40 years old, separated, my husband moved out in May (we'd been together for 20 years, married for 11) Our children are 10 and 7.
Not sure why I'm finding this so hard. How do you sum up the nightmare me and the kids have been through over the last two/three years?
From reading through the posts I guess I'm not the only one......and I can see how you all support each other and find strength to cope with the stress and emotional upheaval that separation and divorce causes.
I feel such a complete mess, a failure, heartbroken, lonely, depressed, lost and can't seem to pick myself up. I know I don't know who you all are, but already it has helped me to read your posts and see that I'm not alone, so thank you xx

Hi MaryJ - welcome to wikivorce

Good to see that you have already picked up on the support we have to offer here.

Just to pick up on something you posted:

I feel such a complete mess, a failure, heartbroken, lonely, depressed, lost and can't seem to pick myself up.

You're not a failure, none of us are - you are just dealing with a failed relationship and that is a very different thing. It's very common to feel lost and a mess when a relationship like marriage ends - particularly if you have been together all your adult life. I discovered my own identity for the first time after I divorced. As for lonely - loneliness is what we feel when there is no one to connect to. Often, those of us who were in miserable relationships feel much less lonely once the dust settles, than we did when together.

In short, these feelings you have are temporary. Just how temporary depends on many things... but as soon as you begin to recover, they will dissipate rapidly.

Keep reading forum posts - there is a wealth of experience and information here to support you.

Take care

Shezi

Hallo and welcome

I've been separated for 15 months and live in the marital home with our teenage sons.

Husband lives with his new woman and her two children.

It was tough getting over him, I needed anti-depressants, counselling, good friends, family and the people on this site.

But I got there! And you will too. It's easy to think there's something wrong with you if your ex leaves - but maybe there's something wrong with him for not appreciating you?

There are lots of posts on this site about how people cope, have a browse.

We're here for you.

Nell

Thank you,
Just been struggling with everything. I haven't got any family here, my friends are all married and I just seem to be dealing with kids, finances, work, home etc by myself on top of dealing with my ex (an emotionally abusive alcoholic who ended up having an affair with a mother of 3, who lives at the end of our road - they were so brazen they were seen flirting on the school run, and people I barely knew saw them out and about in our village pubs for months before he left!!!) I guess I feel that I've failed the kids, as I haven't handled it very well - I've blown my top a few times. He's being so unreasonable, and I have to face her evry day, every school run...I've tried to say the right things, but just when I think I'm handling it, they throw something else at me.
Anyway, thanks for your kind words...you are right, I was very lonely when he was here. At least I don't have to live with the cruelty and erractic behaviour day to day anymore. I was quite afraid for myself and the kids. I'm already quite happy that she'll have to deal with that now. This was supposed to be a short post, so apologies...
Hope you are happy xx

And thanks to Nell too...it's good to hear that it does indeed get better. I will read the posts.
Sometimes, I feel that I'm going mad, and my ex is so good at making me feel that way. I've read some posts here that I could have written myself.
Thank you so much xxx

Hi again

You're going through a tough time. Don't make it worse beating yourself up because you lost it a few times. Nothing wrong with children seeing that Mum isn't perfect. Children aren't either!

It is tough with the school. My ex's new woman was my elder son's careers counsellor, and we had to go to parents' evening for younger son, when I knew ex's ow is best friends with many of the teachers. I got through it because I focused on not embarrassing my son and keeping my dignity, but my ex was so blinking self-satisfied I wanted to slap him!