Soon to be divorced father of two

Hi everyone, j
Just about to start down the road of being a divorced father of two boys 7 & 9 at the age of 46 after almost 10 years of marriage. Wife seems to have had a bit of a mid-life crisis and at 46 wants to end it all. Still seems to want to sleep in the same bed and says she loves me, but wants to end it all. Really quite distraught about the whole situation as we have a lovely house, cars and lifestyle. She is after half my current pension, two frozen pensions that I had before I met her, 70% of the house profit of £300,000 and £800 per month maint.
I earn £60K a year and whilst that's not bad am really lost about the whole situation and am just about to go to a solicitor.
Any suggestions?

Geoff

Wheelie,

so sorry to here about your situation, I can fully understand how you are feeling.

Is your wife depressed, or going through the menopause or do you suspect she is seeing someone else?

Please do seek some legal sdvice, I should talk still in a state of shock myself and have not approached anyone as I do not feel mentally able to sort business side of things out.

The other thing I have found is that everyday things change so don't rush to do anything too hasty as you may along the way discover more information which will help you to come through this.

This site is excellent for information and support I discovered it last year when my husbands affair was uncovered.

Be strong and keep posting

Take care

Dear Geoff

It is impossible to say whether your wife's demands are reasonable or not, as we don't know the whole picture.

But can I make one suggestion and that is that you consider mediation before you commit yourself to a fight via solicitors.

I have a vested interest in saying this, as you may gather from my name, but mediation can have a number of advantages over the traditional route to divorce. There are a number of articles on the subject in the library on this web-site.

Hi Geoff,

I am in a similar position to yourself, in terms of my wife wanting a divorce. If you're anything like myself, your probably in a state of shock right now so important to try and keep rational. Know this will be difficult as I'm struggling myself.

Is this a sudden irrational decision by your wife? Have you discussed the possibility of counselling (Relate) with your wife. It is still early days in the process so possible that your marriage could salvaged if your wife is willing to try. Sounds like your wife is still communicating OK with you, so ask her the reason for wanting to divorce.

From the financial side of things, imperative that you seek legal advice. A lot of solicitors will give a free half hour or 45 minute initial consultation. Would say it depends on various factors, such as if your wife works, if so what her earning are etc. From what I have experienced to date, solicitors will prefer to represent the lowest earner as in terms of English Law they will tend to be the 'winners' (if you can have one in divorce) in these cases. Also depends on who will be keeping the kids, again in majority of cases tends to be the mother and as I have been told by my solicitor, a 50/50 split is just a starting point though in my case likely to be that my wife will end up with majority share of any assets. May not be quite far, but seems to me like current English Law goes someway to actually encouraging women to file for divorce.

Hope all goes well.