How do you survive the divorce process

Hi,

Never really expected to be in a forum like this, but 3 months ago my wife told me that she had been to see solicitor to start divorce proceedings.

We have 2 kids, 11 and 7, and thought of not seeing them daily is really hurting. It has really hit me for six, though I've had several issues with my OH over the years though always thought work at marriage for our sakes and for the kids. My OH has been making some cruel comments and though we will leave in a nice house in a nice area, her grand plan is to force the sale of the house (though some equity, not enough for either of us to really buy anywhere else straight off) her to go to her parents and me to mine - effectively, making all 4 of us homeless.

Offered to go to Relate but she turned round and said she was adamant and was enjoying the divorce process!

Obviously, worried about the kids and also now about the future and wonder how you ever recover from something like this.

Hi Mick

Sorry you are in this position, I also found myself in the same place three months ago. I really don't have the answer as to how you survive because I feel I won't survive this either. However there is a lot of help on this site and a lot of lovely people with good advice.

be there for your kids, not an expert on divorce but don't think she can force the sale of your home and make them homeless but I am sure someone will be along on the site soon to give you the advice you need.

Good luck Julie

Hi Mick. I am about 4 years on from you. It is tough but survivable. The good news is that you are here. There wasnt a wikivorce when I started and it would have been good to come here as a newbie.

You just take one day at a time. Thats what I did. Just see what happens. Dont respond to anything she says. You know the truth. People do this when they want to dispose of you. Its just the way it is. But if you dont want the house sold then you dont have to. Provided that you can buy her out of course.

But you may be better off taking the money and walking away. But see a solicitor and get the facts. Best ones, C.

Hi Mick - Welcome, although I am sorry you have a reason to be here. In my opinion, the best thing you can do is take it one day at a time. Try to focus on the really important things, like your children. They really need you right now, even though you are struggling so much yourself.

Find out all you can about the divorce process and think through some options. Selling the FMH and both of you moving back to your parents is only one. If there isn't much equity, one of you staying in the house with the children is another.

Most importantly, please look after yourself. It may seem a little selfish, but you really need some time to get to grips with how you are feeling before you make any decisions - no matter how keen she is to get things finalised, you don't have to be in any hurry. Take whatever time you need.

Keep a good routine for yourself - try to get some exercise every day, eat healthily and try to go to sleep at a reasonable hour. Do something each day just for you, something you really enjoy. Go for a walk in a beautiful place, read a good book, have a soak in the bath - you get the idea.

Keep posting and let us know how you are getting on. We will support you as best we can. Take care, Bon

Hi,thanks for all the advice.

Take on board what you're saying and I'll do my best to follow your advice. Know what you're saying is the right thing to do but since this happened seemed to have lost a lot of motivation. Thought I was going to work to the best for my family then suddenly get a setback like this.

Been to see my solicitor and he is a bit surprised for someone so adamant on divorce that she has not yet completed the divorce petition paperwork. Also, finds a bit strange that she is not wanting to stay in the house with kids to keep stability for them and wants to move her and the 2 kids into one bedroom at her parents. Adamant she wants to move and has said that she has deliberately set out to upset some of my neighbours so that pyschologically she thinks that she cannot stay there (also did this at our previous house, effectively forcing a move)
Unfortunately, don't have the funds to buy her out of the property at this time.

What concerns me is that I know that she is a short term thinker and will not have done any forward planning about surviving financially. When I look it, possible that it would be beneficial of me to get out in the long run, though concerned on impact of the kids in future.

No she can't force sale of house without my consent or court order. Though she did try that once at our previous property and I only found when I seen the 'For Sale' sign in my garden when I returned home from work. Though annoyed at the time and considered divorce myself then, decided that marriages were there to be worked rather than just throw away at any thing that upsets either party.

My solicitor is due to phone her solicitor this afternoon to get some clarification on her intentions.

Again thanks for all your advice and support. Though new to this it is helping to discuss with people who are going through/have been through the same situation.

Hi Mick. It doesnt surprise me that she doesnt want to divorce yet. People usualy (but not always) want the dust to settle. Moving and setting up a new home is stressful and add the divorce to that is too much for most people. I expect withing a month or so that she will get her act into gear and start proceedings.

I doubt that your solicitor will get anywhere as her sol probably hasnt been instructed yet to act in this way. She has more than likely gone to see them to get an idea where she stands. Take that away and think about it. Again thats what most people do.

So get used to your new found freedom. Its going to be tough. Dont do anything that you may regret and no contact. Just let her be. Thats the best thing. C.