Finally

Hi all,
Names Phil and it looks like I am on the road to divorce. After suspecting for quite some time I have just found out my wife is having an affair. Complications included are, she works in a medium secure unit and the affair is with one of the patients! He's in there because he's got mental health problems and I am worried about it getting out of hand when I file for the divorce because I am going to name him. Got 2 kids, 20 and 19 and god knows what it is going to do to them. Bit stressed at the moment, don't really know how to handle it all.

You are going to name a mental health patient?

If this is true, it's your wife who needs naming, then sacking for taking advantage of one of her patients.

"Out of hand" means you are worried for your safety, yes?

You would not be allowed to out a patient in a secure unit. If you try you won't know what hit you.
Why not instead try the civilised route and Petition on the boring old "unreasonable behaviour".
That way, no human rights law suits and no irate callers.
You are shocked so understandable to look for blame. Not to the patient though.
Now you've arrived have a look around, read lots and I think it helps to contribute.

Sometimes in my early days, I would log out at the sheer misery most here are facing. I couldn't cry for myself but wept buckets for others.
Welcome.

I would agree that the patient shouldn't be named. They are a vulnerable person and your wife has abused her position of trust.

I know it's hard but I would really encourage you to file under unreasonable behaviour.

Eventhough the kids are adults, I wouldn't burden them too much with all the details.

You must be incredibly hurt.Look after yourself.

Thanks for replies, admit it has made me think about it a bit more. Initial reaction was to destroy her because I have spent the majority of our married life being the one trying to make the marriage work and after all the promises to get counselling and go to Relate I am having a hard time coping with this deception. Yes I am worried about my safety and that of the kids but as for outing a patient and not knowing what hit you, I don't know what you mean by that or human rights law suits. As mad as I am, she has not taken advantage of the patient, they both fully understand what they are doing and it is not a case of him having learning difficulties, he is where he is because he committed crimes under the influence of drugs, etched the name of his wife and her family on bullets and told them, these are for you if you take my son away from me. He is in the process of being released and I can only see it getting worse because they are both going to have more opportunities. Taking on board the advice as far as reading more on this site and hopefully just talking to someone is going to help.

Padraig,(is this Irish?), you will get lots of help and support on this forum. It has been my lifeline since January 2008. You have some tough times ahead but if there's one thing I've learned, it's this: if you don't know what to do, don't do anything. I used to rush into all these things without thinking but now I sleep on it a while and I make better choices. The anger was the scariest part for me. I hate anger. Keep posting on here, you will be well supported. Take time before making major decisions, be kind to yourself. You will get through this.

fluffy76 - yes Irish. I am going to get through this, for the first time in a long time I feel as though I am regaining control of my life anf I know it is going to be a long and arduous road.
Sleeping is not easy at the moment and I am incredibly angry but not enough so as to not take advice. I am seeing a solicitor next week and will take on board what they say.
Again thanks for reply.

Fluffy = Sense. How fluffy and sense end up in the same sentence I'll never know.(fluffy as an adjective, oh you know)

Yes Padraig, it is horrible.
Some days later you will feel as I did, starting to come out of the gloom only to slip further down. Rising again of course.

Please stay and chart your journey.

I worry about those who pour their heart out, never to be heard of again. Whether because they re-united or gave up on us.

So please keep posting.