new to all this

Hello,
I'm so glad I found this site - the stories and the support offered have taken my breath away.
My stbx and I separated in June and I moved to a rented house a couple of miles away from the family home in August because he wanted to stay put. I was so desperate to get away I would have left him with everything but reality sets in and we have two lovely children 8 and 11. I've never felt so lonely in my life. We live in a rural area and my stbx has told all our friends and neighbours that he kicked me out necause I was having an affair which is completely untrue. I've always remained loyal to him and never washed my dirty linen in public despite the fact that he has kept me poor all through our marriage, treated me like a slave, never taken me out etc etc.
I feel so stupid and such a failure for putting up with it for so long but I desperately wanted our children to have a 'normal' family life. What a joke -
our children say that they are so much happier since I left because I am more relaxed and happy.
I'm just sad and struggling at the moment. I'm getting deeper into debt every day because i only work part time having always been the one to stay at home with our children. My stbx refused to let me take any of the children's stuff and I've had to furnish and equip a home for us as well as buy all new clothes, school uniform Etc. He has the children every weekend from Fri after school to Mon morning and I feel like I hardly see them. I'm doing all the school runs, the after school clubs, the homework, the nit combing etc etc etc and never getting any quality time with them. My daughter says she hates her dad and doesn't want to be with him and I just feel so isolated at the moment.

Welcome to wikivorce hoejuggler (((((hugs))))) though sorry you need to be here. The contact as arranged doesn't appear fair, I'm sure others here will be able to advise.

Thank you Tets - I went to a solicitor after speaking to CAB on Monday and she is going to write to stbx suggesting mediation. I really hope this works cos I want so much for the children to be OK. Its so much tougher than I could ever have imagined and so much lonelier.
My GP is trying to get me to take anti depressants but I'm exhausted enough without taking something which makes you feel worse! Don't feel depressed anyway - just worn out with stress and worry. Reading some of the stories here makes me realise that I'mnot alone and that it will get better
Deb

hoejuggler,

Your situation is similar to mine was 10 years ago although I wasnt in a position (safety not financially) to take the children, lack of support amongst other things made matters difficult and I made many mistakes that I have learned and grown stronger from.

You are so not alone in this...there is a wealth of experiences/knowledge/info/resources/support here to draw strength from.

Your ex sounds like a real piece of work and getting an easy ride at the moment...is he paying child maintenance...you are entitled to a share of the marital assets...you can receive a free initial appointment with a sol, that service is also available here...number at top of homepage. Take care.

Elle x

Hi there - I'm sorry you find yourself here, but glad you have found us. Well done for having the courage to move out and start to re-build your life. You are NOT a failure and your children's view of how much happier you are now, is a reflection of that. You were stuck in a relationship that wasn't right for you.

It's still very early days for you. I'm glad you are getting legal advice. Have you investigated the benefits you are entitled to? If not, you may find this helps a little while you sort out things with your stbx.

As for your 'friends', if they believe you stbx, without even giving you a chance to tell your side of the story, then they aren't really your friends anyway.

I understand not wanting to take anti-depressants, what else are you doing to get to grips with the way you are feeling? Please don't just struggle on. Have you considered counselling? I realise you live in a rural area and have two children, but please try to take up a new hobby or night class or something else that gets you out and with other people (but not drinking in the pub!)

Please keep posting and let us know how you are getting on. Take care, Bon