Hi there

Hi there I have been married for 41/2 years but have been together for 10years. We have 2kids together a girl of 9years and a boy of 2years old.We have been fighting since the first 3months of our marriage becuase he started seeing other women. Treating me badly as he kept denying he was with other girls untill recently he has confessed to what he has been doing all these years. My gut always knew but when he said it out loud it was so real. And one of the girls was brazen enough to call him and I answered and she still asked for him, but he then still denied there was something between them. As I remember that she was the girl he sent a text to about 2weeks ago before confession that he misses her and would love to hear her voice etc... I haven't got any proof that he did cheated other then he told me. But he insists that he never had sex with any of the girls. Unfortunately I am totally not convinced as his behaviour in the bedroom changed over the years. I am new to this site but can see now that I am not alone in this situation and I can get the support needed. I suffer from very low selfesteem which is probably why he could do what he did for all these years. I tried to leave on numerous occasions but he always begged me to stay but then started again seeing other women after a while. I feel such an idiot for letting him do all what he did. But finally this year I ended up in hospital chestpains and that woke me up and I realised that I didn't want to go back to that life. So he left after a big row we had and I then rented a house for me and the kids as our house we lived in was going to be rented out anyway so i had to move. And I didn't want to stay anyway.
So here I am with my kids since september. It isn't very long but our marriage was over from the very beginning I just never had the guts to leave. All I want now is him out my life forever.

Hi there and welcome - You are NOT an idiot! You are the victim of someone who has used you and treated you badly. I'm so proud of you for taking action and getting out. It doesn't matter how long it took you to make the decision to go, you did it and that is the most important thing. You should be proud of yourself too.

How are you and the kids coping? Are you feeling ok about things? How has he reacted? Please keep strong and moving forward. He is out of your life for good. Please don't worry yourself about the past and what was true or not. You've learned enough to force you to make a decision, any more will just add to the pain.

There's plenty of info on this site about divorce and settling finances and child issues. Take it one step at a time and do what's right for you and your children.

Please keep posting and let us know how you are getting on. Take care, Bon

Welcome Nadine

The lies and the deceit are so painful. They will deny everything and come up with excuses that just don't add up. It does make feel like an idiot, you can even end up questioning your own sanity as they will tell you opposite to what you know/see is happening. You are right to believe in your gut feelings.

I know it is hard but be proud of what you have done it takes a lot of strength and courage to move on from an unhappy marriage.

You can do a lot better than stay with a man who has treated you like this. Focus on building yourself up and your children. This site is a good place for support.

Things will get better even though you might have to go though some hard times before your get there. The moto is one day at a time.

Take care of yourself - I now how you feel

X

Thank you very much for the encouragement.
It's just something you said hit me really because honestly I was for a long time questioning my own sanity and it was really making me mad. He was so manipulative and so dominant. And he sometimes just let me believe that I was crazy.I know now that I wasn't crazy but all the heartache and pain he gave me.I can't imagine that a person who I once thought so much of could do this to me.

My son is ok. My little girl finally asked me today actually why she hasn't seen daddy for a couple of weeks.And i had to tell her why. That because I didn't want to be with him anymore when he recently tried again to come back together and honestly I did try but got discusted by it. He doesn't want to see me or speak to me anymore since then and also says that the kids will find him when they are grown up. She cried a little but I believe she is going to bounce back. She has unfortunately always been there for the majority of our fights. The little one is too small to have a clue.It is frustrating really. I don't want anything from him but the kids they would love to have their dad in their lives, but if he refuses I will not force him.

Nadine,

I respect that matters ae rather difficult and perhaps heated at the moment...I do hope for the childrens sake your ex calms down and realises walking away and the children seeking him out is irresponsible parenting. Whatever is hapening between you two, he is the childrens father...its not easy watching parents feud...as hard as it will be, try to promote contact and not critise Dad to them...rant on here..forgive me if that sounds patronising...I rant on here about stuff I would never say to the kids...doh.

Take care

E