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Hi Giselle,

Hope you can save your marriage as sounds like you're trying your best to do so.

Unless your husband can curtail his overspending and get a grip of finances, I fear you will always have problems. Relate should be able to help, though only if your husband is willing to attend. If your husband refuses to attend the Relate session, what are your options/plans?

Good luck!

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sadmother wrote:

I only ask because I imagine a split where there childr, especially when they are very young, is likely to be more traumatic both emotionally and financially than otherwise. I would imagine anyway.

Do you not have a joint account?

I hope the counselling helps with both finances and your relationship.

Actually sadmother - it is just as traumatic for grown up children.
There was a fantastic article in the Guardian a few weeks ago about this. The young adults interviewed described feelings of helplessness, of having to be a comforter or a parental figure to the parent left behind. One very sad younger person questioned whether her whole childhood had been a lie.
So you see staying together for the sake of the children is not necessarily a good thing - it will come back and bite you later.
I have 2 grown up daughters - they are coping admirably well with our break up. I am the one that left. I am now in a rented cottage and they are happy for me. Equally they are sad for my stbx as he is still coming to terms with me leaving.

Children of any age can be affected - sadly everyone gets emotive about the younger ones. BUT the older ones suffer too.

Lucretia wrote:

So you see staying together for the sake of the children is not necessarily a good thing - it will come back and bite you later.

My parents waited until they had put my siblings and I through hell then separated in their sixties...still leaning on us whenever we get caught off guard! No none of us visit now:(

E

sadmother wrote:

Elle you should have divorced both your parents years ago!!

Ye might have better prepared me for my own!

E

Giselle, take him shopping tomorrow a,m, nip into your Bank and ask to set up a DD, show you mean business.

A joint account is a no, no. He might clear the lot out if he is cavalier with money.

Was he always tight, or generous when he had it?
I can't stand meanness as I'm always saying.

Lucretia, I agree on the children issue. When they are older they know all about adultery and so on. Mine instead of describing a man as a cheater, now says "you know, like dad".
Mind when he made lame excuses 6 times during her Grad dinner to phone his woman, it's not surprising she sees him like that.