query

Hi there - I'm glad you are getting legal advice and that your husband has agreed to go to counselling. Those are positive steps. (Couldn't help noticing it seems ok for your husband to get advice but not you?!)

It seems you've been dealing with this financial issue for sometime and that it isn't an easy situation for you. I'm wondering why keeping control of the money is so important to your husband? When he overspends, is he spending on himself, you or what? If he's a chronic overspender, perhaps he feels giving you a set amount each month would limit his ability to spend the way he wants to? Is he secretive about his spending or do you know the whole story on how he spends 'his' money?

My dad was a chronic overspender. He spent thousands on things he wanted but never used. He bought on credit cards much of the time. My mother kept finances separate to protect herself and keep him from spending the money she earned too. When he died last year, I can't tell you how much stuff we had to go through and get rid of, much of it still in its original packaging. He was constantly juggling payments between cards or putting off the collection agencies. I loved my dad dearly, but he had a serious issue with money. Until he died, my mum didn't know the scale of his overspending. Now she's left sorting out the mess he left behind.

If you haven't already, it seems to me perhaps talking to your husband about his views on money and spending might give you another way into the issue? If you ask sensitive, but probing questions to find out how he views 'his' money and why he spends the way he does, you might find a lever to get him to include household bills in his thinking? As I'm sure you know, he needs to recognise the impact his spending / lack of contribution is having on the family and accept some responsibility for that before he'll be ready to change his behaviour.

I really hope this works out for you. Please keep posting and let us know how you get on. Take care, Bon