i feel a failure

After only 2 and a half years married my husband decides he dont love me, dont wanna be with me and dont want to bother trying to work things out...
I feel totally gutted ,i cant believe someone would throw in the towel and the first hurdle..
Am i so old fashioned that i believed marriage was forever and that you have to work at it.
My emotions are all over the place not a day goes by without me bursting into tears, Does that piece of paper mean nothing to anyone anymore...
I feel so lonely, have no family and dont want to bug my friends all the time..
any suggestions on moving forward would be good..

Hi pinky and welcome. I'm sorry you find yourself here, but glad you've found us. You will find a lot of support here from people who have been or are going through similar to you. We'll support you as best we can.

As for moving forward, the most important thing is to be very gentle with yourself. Cry, rant on here, whatever it takes to help you let your emotions out. It's really early days for you. There's no telling what's in your husband's mind. In my opinion, there must be things going on for him that he hasn't or doesn't feel able to share with you. How have things been up til now?

Please make sure you are looking after yourself, as impossible as it feels sometimes. Eat healthily, get some exercise, try to sleep and do something every day that you enjoy - read a good book, go for a walk, have a relaxing soak in the bath with candles, smellies, etc.

I know it's hard, but please give your husband some space to work out how he feels and what he really wants.

Please keep posting and let us know how you are getting on. Take care, Bon

Hi pinky, I'd also like to welcome you to these forums. I'm a bit of a newbie as well but I can tell you this, you have made the right choice coming here. You've no need to feel lonely anymore! You'll find friends in this community that have been through it all before and can offer all the care and support you need.

This whole thing is only new to me as well but I can offer you piece of advice. Please don't feel like a failure. Trust me, I've been beating myself up over the same thing for the last 8 weeks and it was only when it finally sunk in that it takes two people to make or break a relationship, and that I'm not solely to blame, that I'm even able to begin making progress towards moving on.

Also, as Bon mentioned, get some excercise as well. It does wonders!

Take care,
Adam

Hi pinky

Firstly, you're not a failure at all. It's very common for people to take the blame for a partner deserting them, but the fact of the matter is you can't blame yourself for other people's shortcomings. If you feel things could have been worked on and your husband couldn't face up to it, then that is his failure not yours. Tell yourself - IT IS NOT MY FAULT!!

Second, your emotions are bound to be all over the place, that's perfectly natural. I was exactly the same, and burst into tears before embarassed friends and horrified bosses!
Crying or letting your emotions out is good and healthy

I wouldn't have made it through the early stages of this without my friends. Lean on them as much as you need - if they're good friends they won't mind anywhere near as much as you think. Talk about it, rant cry - it all helps. Also, as arker says, you have a whole group of new friends here, friends who know exactly what you're going through and how you feel. You're not going through this on your own, so come back and talk or blog here as much as you want

Moving on will happen. Just allow yourself time to go through the grieving process. You can't skip past this I'm afraid, but you will come through it and the future, while not being what you imagined, may be better than it would otherwise have been. People here can vouch for that pinky, so stay strong and keep letting us know how you are

Sun

Hallo and I am sorry you are in this rotten situation.

But would you really want your husband to stay with you because of a bit of paper? If he doesn't love you, would you want him to stay?

It hurts and you do feel rejected. But it doesn't mean its your fault (or his fault - people are human beings, not perfect, things happen).

Look after yourself, you are going to go through a process of mourning and its very painful. But there is a future ahead, just not the one you thought you had.

Hi,
I am also very sorry to hear what you are going through and can only agree with what everyone else has told you.
Yes, you'll feel like a failure, I sure have done. But you should not blame yourself even though it's hard not to do.
One day at a time, some are shockingly bad, and some better, and they do get better. Agreed that friends are vital and if they are good friends they will listen and help as will all the folk in here.
Hoping that you can get your husband to talk to you. Like yourself, I agree that the vows are supposed to mean something and that none of us should fall at the first hurdle.
Hoping that things work out for you.

Hi Pinky,

A big hug to you!

I have been through the same in the last 6 months. Classed as a short marraige as only 4 years, but I thought it was going to be forever.

I agree with what everyone has said.

You are most definately not a failure - don't let anyone, especially your husband make you feel that way.That's not what husbands are supposed to do!

This forum is incredibly supportive and caring. You will get lots of really good advice when you need it.

Take good care of yourself, put yourself first and make sure you are ok.
Take care,

freyja x