Hello, My name is Mike, I'm 27 years old and I have been involved with a woman for 10 years now. We met when I was 17, she has been my one and only true love. We dated for 8 years, and in 2007 I asked her to be my wife. Now only 2 short years later, our relationship lays in ruin. Here is my story:
I don't know where to begin to imagine exactly where our marriage started to go off track, I am so confused, angry, ashamed, embarrassed and sad. My wife and I were always "different" people. She stressed, worried, always felt like things needed to get done. I was the more relaxed of the pair, I didn't stress, I didn't worry and I took my time in a lot of things. Despite all of our core differences, I asked her for her hand in good faith, and with a bright vision of or eventual future.
To fast forward a bit, we got married we were still very different people although I always felt our love was strong enough to carry us through anything. I love this woman with all my heart and soul. Everything sort of went off around April of this year. Her Job at General Motors finally came to an end, after she has stressed about it for years. She was given a buyout package etc, and I was still working but that was the trigger that sent out down this eventual path. She is an electritian and found work a month or so later away from home. She worked away from home for weeks at a time, and I would only see her on Weekends. Weekends that she came back to our home to see me, and only on weekends that I didn't work. This went on for a month and a half, then she got transferred to work up at a Nuclear Power plant in Owen sound.
I would see on weekends sporatically for the next 2 months, and then she would come home for awhile because their was no more contract work left to do. This was our life for about 4 or 5 months. She would come home occasionally, sometimes just for 1 day, then be gone again, for another week.
What was the most upsetting now that I think about it was how much she spoke of this man she met while working 3 hours away from home. I would spend time with here at the house, I went up not as often as I should have, but I visited and he was always around. What makes me the most sick is that I've had this man in my home. He came to our house once to visit her. I am a very trusting person, and I trusted my wife 100% to a degree that I thoughts of infidelity never crossed my mind.
She spoke of him so often, and text'd infront of me back to him so much It started to really upset me. I started to ask her why she was always talking about him, and what they did together, and how it was starting to make me feel insecure about us. She swore to me over and over, "he's just a friend" "It's not like that"
So after months of this sort of behaviour, she went up for another stint of work up at that power plant, this time she chose to have shared accomodation, and you guessed it chose him to rent with. I trusted my wife with all my heart, that despite all of these flags of warning, I ignored my instincts, and let the trust I had for her trump my concerns.
I gave my wife such a wide birth to do what she needed to do to make herself happy that I ended up losing her without even realizing it. I even had my father ask me out for a late night dinner, because he felt he would be remiss if he did not tell me how "wrong" her living situation was while she was away from home, and that I had better make my presence known and asap. I was angry, and surprised that I had that conversation with my father, I realized he only was trying to look after my interests, and how completely out of character that was for him to request that dinner. I went home that evening more insecure than ever, and called my wife.
I asked her to find different room and board while she was there, and how what she was doing was so completely wrong for a married woman to do. Please keep in mind, that I had these insecurities for a long time. My father's concerned words, just sprung me into action. Her response was understanding, and we were both upset over the phone, eventually after She assured me nothing was out of place, and that I was overreacting I relented, and said she could stay there for this latest stint. But if another call came up for her to work their again, she was to find something different, and most certainly not "shack up" so to speak with another man.
She eventually came home to our home and stayed with me at our home for 2 months. But every opportunity she had, while I was working weekends she took off up North again, to see her "friend". My wife is the type of person whom doesn't have very many friends, her life revolves around the people whom she loves, and she had made a nice friend, whom shared a lot of her interests. I was actually happy for her, that she had an outlet other than me to do certain things with her. Things that maybe I had no interest in, or what have you. This type of behavior went on for the month of September while she wasn't working, and for a little bit in October.
She was finally home under our roof, we were what I thought was a happy couple, and then in early November of this year she went up to Owen sound again to spend a weekend with her "friend" while I was working. When she came back that following monday She steam rolled me with life changing news, that I just honestly never thought would come from her pure little face. On November 9th earlier this month, she came home and told me she didn't think we should be together anymore. I was shocked, upset, confused, angry, and completely devastated. I was struggling to understand everything, and with no explanations at all she said she needed to go see her mother and spend the night. I went to my parents house to find comfort, and just collapsed on the floor of my childhood home in tears. I looked at my father and told him, "you were right about melissa" I think were heading for divorce.
I spent a few hours their completely distraught, and felt a bit better at the end of my time at home, I was going to head over to my wife, and take her hand profess my love for her, and take us into marriage counselling. Fix whatever problems we had, and come out stronger in the long run. I had a brief chat with her in my car in her parents driveway, telling her that we can traverse any rock road as long as we did it together. I cried she cried but in the end she just wanted to stay at her parents house for awhile. She left me up in the air for 1 full week, as to whether I still had a wife or to even know what was going on. She eventually came home and told me she was "in love with her friend" and that she didn't want to married to me anymore. When she told me that sitting on our living room couch, I felt like my heart had been ripped out. My suspicions and ignored instincts about her friendship had been validated and she still would not tell me the entire story.
I eventually had her admit to me that she "french kissed him" and cuddled him on the couch BACK IN SEPTEMBER!!! and that is all she and he have ever done together. She was exposed to a new lifestyle, and new people while working away from home for so long, and I just didn't see the forest through the trees until it was too late. To this day she still insists that that one evening they shared was the extent of their intimacy, and I want to believe her. She told me the only thing he did wrong was tell her that he liked her and "wanted more" I never thought in my wildest dreams that I would be the victim of something like this. One moment I was chugging along quite happily, then i felt like I was hit by a Mac truck of emotions, and my life was left in ruin as the resulting aftermath.
I'm so angry, I'm so hurt I feel rejected that she doesn't love me the same way anymore, and that essentially she is choosing this other person over me after the 10 years we have shared and loved together. I feel cheated that I don't even get a chance to "Fix" what issues we have in our marriage, I feel cheated that she threw in the towel so quickly, and wants nothing to do with our married life anymore. Marriage can be work sometimes, I committed myself to our marriage, and I truthfully forgive her for what she has done, or at least I think I do. I want the opportunity to learn from our mistakes that we both have made, and come out a stronger unified team at the end of this. I am so devastated by the entire ordeal, im exhausted, I've lost interest in things that use to give me pleasure, I work hard everyday looking for new houses to move into, and to begin again, but somedays the pain and anguish i feel is so paralyzing that I just want to sleep and turn the world off.
She has been my one and only true love for the last 10 years, despite all of our core differences, I always thought our love was enough to sustain us. She said she had been feeling differently for awhile, and she was lying to herself for quite some time about her feelings towards me. To be left, rejected, and thrown away by the one person in this life that you trusted, and loved more than anyone else Hurts more than I ever conceived of.
The one person whom I want to talk about this, and work on this with, doesn't want anything to do with me. I feel disgusted by her betrayal, I feel like vomitting when I think of them together, I wanted life, children, the whole white picket fences with this woman. Now I struggle every hour of every day since November 9th, just not to break down into tears.
My heart goes out to anyone else whom is in my shoes, I wouldn't wish this upon my worst enemy.
help me make sense of it all. I'm so sad
Mike C
