Just so hard....

Hi Emotional.

I read your story with interest. And I can understand that this is perhaps the wrong relationship for you. Perhaps its the wrong relationship for your husband also? Perhaps he wants to walk on the beach and hold hands. Have you asked him?

Usualy when something is broken we get it fixed. And if it cant be fixed then it has to go. Have you thought about counseling? This would enable you to get at the real issues you have and also for your husband to express himself. You may be surprised at what you hear.

You sound calculated. You planned this d day event. All in place and then wham. You realise that maybe you have made a mistake. And your correct in your thinking. Maybe you have made a mistake. Often our 6th sense is screaming at us but we dont hear it. We plough on regardless when we should have been listening.

Have you realy realy asked yourself if you are doing the right thing? Saying its "for the best" is not a good enough justification.

No one has cheated on anyone. No one has stole. No one is in prison. U didnt say if he gives you a good kicking. Most people have to divorce. I had to. I had no choice. You have a choice.

You say that you are his surogate mother. And that you do everything for him. Thats clearly wrong. But have you ever told him this is how you feel?

Nothing in life ever turns out the way you expect or want. You are given a set of cards at the start and you have to make the best of the cards that you have. What I am trying to say to you is that often, people think that what they have is rubbish and bin it. Only to find out that in a short while what they had was solid gold and they made a massive mistake and they shouldnt have binned that bar of gold. What you may have is "your real thing". This could be it. And whats next may not be worth all the pain that you both are going to go thru.

30 is a milestone. Like 40 is. At these ages we look around and ask the question "What have I achieved? Is this person right for me? Could I have someone better?"

Perhaps thats whats happened to you? You have looked around and someone else has had a child and you want one. But you are disatisfied with your current husband and you want someone better. Maybe yes maybe no.

But you have to be honest with yourself. Is this realy what you want to do? Divorce and seperation and all that goes with it is utter hell. In fact those words do not describe the years of pain we have to go thru this to get out the otherside. So make sure this is what you ***NEED*** to do instead of what you ***WANT***. There is a massive difference. And this is perhaps the biggest and most awfuly painful thing you will ever do. C.

Wonderful wise words Marshy. It took me a long time to realise that I did not NEED my marriage and it was damaging me.

My stbx is a decent enough man BUT we actually weren't doing each other any good. Already, according to my daughters, he is beginning to tentatively explore what makes HIM tick and what makes HIM happy.
But you know what - in the end it boils down to love.
To stay in a loveless relationship will kill you inside. If you can say with your hand on your heart you do not love this person then you need to go. Sadly that is the main thing. It is unfair to the pair of you to stay in a relationship where one or both is not fully committed emotionally.