In bits

Hi.

First time post. I have been told that this should help.

Relationship broke down over a year ago. Stress at work and debt forced me to not be as attentive to wife's needs. Suspect she cheated in the past. We have two kids. I am no longer in the family home and reduced to living in my mum's spare room while still paying for everything at the family home. Self esteem at rock bottom while she is seeing other men. I always react in a non physical hostile nature whever she opens up any kind of communication. Just the thought of another man even holding her crushes me.

Mortgage and debts mean I can't afford my own place and she just wants to be with her new man so I stay in the family home a couple of nights a week so she can go out. I don't ask where she is going anymore because I'd rather not know. It's still too raw.

Don't know what my next step should be. Can't see anyway of my situation improving and don't want to lose out on seeing my kids. Everyone must say this but they are all I have that makes me smile.

Not really looking for advice. Just airing my thoughts.

D.

Welcome to wiki! You will find good advice and friends here who have been through or are still going through similar difficulties.
So sorry to hear about your situation. I have been left twice now for other women following their affairs. I am going through my second divorce now. I have been fortunate though to be able to always have my kids with me however hard it has been emotionally and financially. Also I have been able to have fairly minimal contact with both exes which I find has helped me. I can imagine how difficult this must be for you tho.
It might make you smile but throughout my eldest daughter's lifetime (she is 26 now) I asked her Dad to babysit once but he was busy he then offered to do it some other time as long as he could bring ow with him!
Try and look after yourself and do the best for your kids.It does get better in time but it is quite normal to get bad spells especially if you are having constant reminders. It may be helpful to establish some boundaries so that you feel you have a bit more control.
Take care.
Jackie

Hi Dugger,
Welcome to wiki and sorry that you are in the sitauation that you need to be here! As Jackie and pipsqueak have said you will find a lot of support here.

I am sorry that you find yourself in such a crappy situation as you do appear to be being treated particularly badly. It shocks me that the person that married you and is the mother of your child can switch from loving to cold.

Hang in there and keep visiting - let off steam as and when you need to - trust me it dooes help.

Welcome to Wiki.

Im sorry you have a need to be here, but Im sure that you will find the help, support, advice and information to be found on the site a great help.

Wikivorce has its own Scotland site, which contains a lot of free information, including a step-by-step guide to Scottish divorce/family law, a library full of useful links, and members who have been through similar situations who will help and guide you the best they can.

If you havent already sought legal advice, then its a good idea to make an appt with a family lw solicitor. Most offer a free initial consultation.

If you have any questions, please dont hesitate to post them in the forum.

Ruby

hope you dont mind me asking are you paying for everything, wife as asked me to leave and i,m scared to death of not having enough to live on no relatives near me so will have to rent a flat

Thanks for the supporting words. When I confide in my friends they seem to think that attacking ex is what I am looking for rather than offering support.

I cant blame my wife for not loving me anymore. It is how she feels and at least she is being honest about it. I just find it all unfair that I've worked all my days to provide a 3 bed room house (which I never wanted), two cars, lunch dates with her pals, over 15 prams, etc etc and now when alll that starts to dry up and the reality of struglling financially starts to kick in her head has been turned and i'm now living in my mum's spare room.

I put all the cash I dont need into our bills account so she should be able to cover all the bills. It just leaves me so short that I cant afford my own place. But the technicalities of who gets what and how much everything is going to cost isnt the issue. Its my reluctance to deal with her rejection without blaming her for it. I know when it comes to the crunch Im going to have to stick up for myself but just now im back to being the doormat she is used to.

I hope with time and after reading a few posts in this forum that I will be able to see things from her side and know that things could have been handled alot worse.

I didnt make the big santa visit for the girls this weekend. Told her that I really wanted to be there but would probably have ruined it with snide comments and we would probably have ended up argueing again. She said she understood but I know this will be another big guilt stick she will cast up when required.

One day at a time.

Thanks again for your comments.