New to seperation

I have recently separated from my wife as she has been unfaithful. I desperately love her but our rows and arguments have more than likely sealed our fate. Any ideas on how to win her round again. I have petitioned for divorce but I am not certain it is the right course of action. How do I get past this roller coaster of emotions? I don't want to destroy my relationship with our two young daughters.

Hallo and welcome to Wikivorce

Your relationship with your children doesn't have to be destroyed, though it will change (and would anyway, as they grow up).

However much you love your wife, she chose to have an affair and there must have been a reason for that. Unless you AND she are prepared to look at your relationship you cannot hope to save your marriage.

You could try counselling but unless your wife is willing to save your marriage it won't work to do that. Counselling on your own might help you sort out how you feel and what you want to do though.

I am sure its very confusing for you - petitioning for divorce while you say you love your wife sounds confused to me - but the rollercoaster is part of what happens when a relationship breaks down and you can't avoid the horrible feelings.

Be gentle with yourself, don't rush into things and don't pressure your wife. Take time to think about how you feel and what you want.

Hi Iain

Welcome to Wikivorce, the place none of us expected to be!

Key thing I learnt with marriage is that it takes 2 to make it work, and only 1 to destroy it. You might still desparately love your wife (I know I loved mine even after finding out about her affair) but chances are she no longer loves you.

Divorce does not mean you destroy your relationship with your kids, in fact it can mean that it gets better. After my divorce had gone through I looked back at my marriage and realised that working hard to provide for my family and a spendthrift selfish ex wife had been a very stressful thing to do, and that had made my relationship with my kids strained. Now I am much more relaxed and am finding my relationship with them is much better. I see them a lot as they are with me at least, and often more than half the time.

As to how you get past the rollercoaster - you don't! You find ways to make it less painful, it still hurts, but it does get less painful.

I found posting here a real help.

Good luck

Steve

Good advice allready mate. It is a rollercoaster and as I'm typing this at 5am even 9 months on some things still are hard,sleep for example. I still love my wife though sadly she now shares our bed with my best mate, ex best mate now. If she asked me back tomorrow even though I still love her I would have to say no. Some things sadly cant be undone & if its happened once would the trust ever really come back?? Concentrate on being a great dad and enjoy the time you have with your daughters my time with my son is to be honest better than when I was at home. DONT forget about yorself though! Keep going its hard but it does get easier.

Good luck and merry xmas next year is a new start for many of us.