Contact with daughter

Hi all.
Firstly what a great site, spent many hours reading through threads.Helps a little to know your not on your own.
Been separated about a year and have a 20 month old beautiful daughter.Contact has been good up until a couple of months ago.communication completely broken down now. Mother was putting all kinds of restrictions on my contact for all sorts of reasons. So I suggested mediation , which she said she would sort out but never did.
Contacted solicitor who sent her a letter in November reference mediation, to this date no reply.Instructed soliciter to apply to court last week for a Defined contact order.(not quite sure exactly what that is).Now awaiting to hear from court.
Sad, frustrated and coming to terms with fact I will not see my little girl over Christmas, and more to the point she will
not see me.No sleep, takes over your life.

mikergj

It is very, very rough, mikergj, and I feel for you; however, it is also very common and you are in good company here. A great many of us will not see our children this Christmas for exactly the reasons you describe.

A defined contact order is one in which the times and durations of contact are defined. It may also specify handover details, etc. As another poster said recently, once contact is established and working a new order can be put in place which is less rigid and more flexible. Unfortunately the immediate reaction when you take your ex to court over contact tends to be negative.

Try to get a good night's sleep (I use Kalms) and stay fit - you'll need all your wits about you when you get your court date.

Best wishes.

Welcome mikergj and congratulations on finding us. You are in good company here.

I agree with forseti in that you need to focus on staying fit to persevere with this. We are out the other side with contact issues because my children are grown up now - they were 1 and 3 when we divorced; now they are 25 and 26. What I have learned from it is that you have to keep your eye on the bigger picture, sometimes conceding the odd battle. Children are long-term relationships for us and learn much about how to relate to their own partners from their parents (my daughter is now married with children).

I wish you well in your contact journey. I would not put yourself in the hands of your ex since she will have her own agenda. Concentrate on developing your own relationship as a father and do what you think is right.

Good luck

Shezi